psychiatrist

You told me it will get better
but its not getting better
you tell me to just try harder
but that’s all I’ve been doing my whole life
trying and trying and trying
but I’ve messed up so bad now
and you want me to fix it all at once
you tell me to work through the pain
work through the hurt
work through the tears
and work through the unwanted thoughts
You tell me that I can trust you
and that I don’t have to pretend with you
the way I pretend with everybody else
But you put the same pressure on me
the pressure to do and to be
be something that I’ve forgotten how to be
And you tell me that you understand
that you won’t judge but just listen
yet while you sit there I can see the judgement in your eyes
I can feel it in your stare
so I guess you are just like all of them
and now I will go back to my pretending
I will dry my tears
roll my sleeves back down
and hide the secrets that I so desperately need to share
and I won’t tell you how part of me is dying
and how you were supposed to save the part thats still barely alive
I’ll just go back to my pretending
and just smile until I’m all dead