The truth. How can I face it? The truth is, 2 years ago, i experianced my first love, and heartbreak. The truth is, that I’m in a severe depression from that because of him. The truth is, I want to change.
I want to change into someone different. Doesn’t everybody here? Doesnt everybody just want to breakfree? From all the hell we have to go through? My sibling and I got into a fight today. And today, was the worst fight ever. My sibling, shoved all of my failures, all of my nightmares in my face. It was worse hearing it, i just wanted to punch him.Â “Because of you, Riley doesnt like you. This is why, all your friends left you, and this is why mom and dad dont like you. ” He then points and me and says, “Disgusting.” He then turned around, and left.
My sibling, doesnt understand the pain, and shit I freak’n go through everyday. And right now, as I am typing this, I’m crying. Because all of the things, that I want to get away from are now shoved back into my face. I cant believe it. I tried SO hard to get over these things. For the past few weeks, I’ve been ignoring these things, getting away from them, trying to feel like an actual person again. But now, I have to face them, all over again.
For some reason, the only time I actually feel happy, is when I’m by myself. Not my parents, not my brother, but by myself.Â When I’m with people, I feel like I’m underwater. Talking to people at my school sting my eyes at just the sight of them. Today, in school, my classmate asked me to draw him, so I tried. My friend beside me, Gillian, was drawing Kevin. We all sat at a table, and Kevin apparently doesnt like to be drawn. So what does he do? I’m trying SO hard toÂ draw my classmate, and Kevin starts shaking the table, causing me to ruin my drawing.
“Kevin, STOP!” I say,
“Tell her to stop.” He points and Gillian, and I get mad. Gillian isnt doing anything! NOTHING! All Kevin cares about, is his own opinion. He doesnt care about anyone elses. He’ll interuppt, start a fight, and act like he’s the most important person on the planet. He is a conceited, a loudmouth, stupid, and jerk. Kevin is a bully. He’s been bullying me since last month. EverytimeÂ I try and stand up for myself, it feels like he stomps me back down. One day, when i came home, My mom left to go shopping, and I screamed SO loud, because I’m fed up with his crap.Â I SWEAR kevin is pushing me. He’s pushing me to my limit, SO much that I cant take it! I want to scream into the world just to get my stress out. I hyperventilate everytime i think of what’s going to happen when I see his face. I get nervous. I can’t tell anyone my true feelings. Because I’m scared. No one ever believes me, and just goes with Kevin’s side. BecauseÂ Kevin is, “awesome” or “the best guy”. Â I cant enjoy life now. I cant run and smile at the same time. I cant breathe the air and actually feel good. I cant. Everytime I try, it never works.
Earlier this week, I read a poem about happiness. It was ironic because it wasnt about happiness at all.
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Happiness, is like a crystal, clear and esquisite. But in the world, it is shattered. scattered, across the earth. (I sorta forgot the rest, if you want i can post it for you if you want to know the rest.)
The last line spoke out to me, it was,butÂ no one ever finds it all.
The whole poem, was that you are not always going to be happy. You’re going to be sad, angry, cheerful and other emotions that i already forgot.
But the point is, one day, I’m am going to be happy again. I’m going to breakfree from all the crap i go through. I’m not going to care what i look like to others, I’m going to smile whole heartedly again. And I’m going to kick Kevin to the curb. (literally)