Who I Was

I was always that girl you’d never see sad. Always the one who’s happy. I guess I’m just lonely. I haven’t really had a chance to care about others. Never had a shot to be who I really am. You want to know who I am? Alright. I’ll tell you. It’s going to be in a poem. Not happy. It’s rough, but here goes.

Here I am, bleeding, washed up.

You, the fool you are, don’t realize.

Don’t see the demon behind my eyes.

Lurking, waiting. Waiting for the chance

to get out, oops. I let it out. I let the monster

take my hand, control my actions.

You know what it did? These scars down my

back. Down my arms. My legs. Drugs? Yeah.

I did them. Felt terrible. Broke every promise,

didn’t care at the time, as I was  finally whole..

atleast until I came down. It’s all because

of you dear brother. All because of what you did

those years ago. “Touches” are not alright. Kisses

for your baby sister are wrong! I couldn’t say no then.

I was a weak little girl. Now I say no. No! Stop! This isn’t

right. You can’t touch your sister like this… Back then,

I was innocent. Didn’t realize it was wrong. Never

had a second thought. Starved for attention, I was

happy to be noticed, too young to realize it wasn’t good.

You looked at me lustfully. Took what you had no right

to take. Made me touch you.  How dare you rip away a

girl’s innocence so young! Let your friends join in.

Thought, “Oh, she’ll be alright. She’s handled it before..can

handle it again.” What do you mean? Handled it before?

Handle it again? Because of you, I’m afraid of my hormones.

I’m afraid to love. All I want is to let go. I’ve tried

a few times this year, failed. Came close the third time..

so so close… barely remember that night. Only reason why it

failed was I woke up. Guess there’s a reason to stay. I will

Get justice for what you did. It won’t stop me from living…

That’s what I always whispered. That’s what I always thought.

It’s wrong. I’m dying as I write these words, praying to give in..

can’t yet..my real friends won’t let me. The one’s who really care.

My true brothers and sisters. Not a rapist! No, they won’t let me

leave. Because they love me. Who loves you? Who loves a rapist?

I know what you’re thinking. It’s a stupid poem. It has no meaning…but it’s how I feel. You can judge how you want, won’t change who I am. Won’t change the past. Won’t change anything. Thank you for making me realize that. Thank you for making sure I know that it’s impossible to be anyone else but me. I’m sorry, it’s too late. It’s time to fade. Time to run. Time to disappear, you won’t miss me that much. Trust me. I’m a no body, you’re better off without me…I was never a guardian of the broken, as I once wished to be.