Why I’m Here

I just got an account here and I suppose I’d like to say why I’m here. I feel like everyone hates me. My parents haven’t gone a day without fighting in 13 years. I only have one really good friend, and he plans on moving. The rest of my friends have planned to basically abandon me after he leaves. Also, the one thing that culd make this all better would be a girlfriend, but I don’t have one, and never have. I’m almost sixteen years old and no girl has ever shown even remote interest in me. I sit on my couch and 6 days out of 7, cry and yell at myself about how much of a pathetic fat ugly loser I am. I’ve gone so far as to create a girl in my head for me to talk to. Her name is Allison. Over the last month I’ve prayed for her every night, but no trace of my mental sweetheart has been found, no matter how much searching I do. I have come to expect loneliness for the rest of my life, but really wish that doesn’t have to happen. I just wish I knew and could believe there was a girl who unconditionally loves me. I’m almost sixteen and I’ve never had a first kiss, or even have a girl hold my hand. I feel the few girls who do acknowledge me existence do it out of pity. As Kurt Cobain said, “I hate myself and want to die.”