Think back to that boy, the one that only wanted to make you proud.
He did everything the best he could, hoping that he would hear those four precious words.
But you were only embarased and ashamed.
He endured all that you did to him, his strength would be enough to make you proud.
But it wasn’t it was only enough to anger you.
He learned to draw to make you proud, he learned to write.
But still, he wasn’t good enough.
He graduated early, and still he wasn’t even worth a thought.
No one saw it fit to tell him you weren’t his father until he was seventeen.
You may believe that blood doesn’t matter, but now, as it runs down my wrists, down to the floor, now does it matter, now are you proud?
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Brother, you need to free yourself from those thoughts…lol, I was watching a video last night about 5 things you need to learn before you die.
One of the main things that popped out at me was to live and do for YOURSELF, validate yourself, nurture yourself, your wishes, dreams, likes, tastes…everything that is you…for you. There are a small % of parents who do a solid job of rearing their children, not that it’s an easy task.
You’re standing their on the stage wondering if anyone’s in the audience…be your own audience, that’s the motivation you need to live. My parents will have their issues til they die, and they do their best to love me, but it’s prudent I love and care for me 1st and not wait for someone to give you the nod that who you are is worthy of being.
You are the one my friend…YOU. This is a good thing. It’s easy to play the victim, been there. Play the hero in your life and save yourself. You can. Best wishes!
Yeah, I don’t really care what he thinks anymore, but every little boy shares a common goal, they just want to make their father proud. I stopped caring about it three years ago. I wrote this when I spent the weekend with him and my step-mom, and it just bothered me that he thought that he was the perfect father and that even though I’ve actually got a future, he still tells me that my brother is better and what a horrible person I am.
So, is this guy actually your father? Or just a step father or something?
I’m not really sure how to answer that, I’m the result of a cheating mother.
Owch. Did he know all along? Just remember that, no matter how you were concieved, you’re just as valuable and important as anyone else in the world. If he was any kind of a man, then he would have realized that and cared about you anyway. Do you still go and see him?
Yeah, everyone knew but me, apparently my real dad is a convicted rapist. And yeah I still go see the one I used to think was my dad sometimes, but it’s super akward, and I only go because me eight year old sister calls my house late at night crying because her step sister is worshiped and she’s always treated like crap.
Have you ever met your real father? Wow, I can imagine that visiting the guy you thought was your dad is awkward. So, he treats your sister bad too? I am sorry to sound harsh, but he isn’t good enough to be called a man! If he had any decency to him, he would have loved you just like you were his own son. Have you managed to find any closure now that you know why he rejected you all those years or does it still hurt? Don’t allow that bumb to continue to ruin your life. Stop trying to make him proud and start trying to make yourself proud. You are so much better than him!
No, I haven’t ever met my real dad. And yeah, I completely agree, he isn’t a man. And I don’t care what he thinks about me anymore, I just hate him. There are only a few people that I actually care what they think of me.
Good for you! Keep holding on and don’t give him a chance to ruin your life. I can tell that you’re a pretty amazing person to have gotten through all that, and I’m sure you have a huge opportunity to make your life a sucess! Do cut yourself right now or is that a thing of the past?
good writinig and i know how that feels i didnt meet my real dad till i was 16 after my mom told me that the guy she was with wasnt my dad it really sucks
@anne4me I made it a little over a year without cutting, I’m masochistic so I basically get high on pain, so I view it as a drug and that I gotta stop it, but a few weeks ago I started again, and it’s the only way to keep living my life.
@Hailey_baby thanks, and yeah it really sucks.
That’s wonderful that you made it for a whole year! If you’ve quit once, then you know that you can quit again. How old are you, trappedinthought?