I keep seeing the attack over and over in my head.
It was just supposed to be a normal walk home. She had done it over and over before without anything going wrong, but this time something did go wrong, VERY WRONG.
She was almost home, I bet she could see out front door, was humming one of her favorite tunes maybe. Eliza has always been the type to randomly sing out words she makes up on her own, she kept telling me she wanted to be like me someday, write stories and poems and change the world. I don’t doubt she could’ve done it.
That’s when the dogs came bursting out of our neighbor’s front door. They were barreling down the street at top speed, or so says my younger brother who had been walking with her, holding her hand and skipping along down the street like to little munchkins following the yellow brick road.
I wish I could’ve been there when they knocked her down, when my younger brother Virgil had ran like crazy for home, screeching at the top of his lungs that Eliza was bleeding everywhere and needed help.
Where was I? Why didn’t I walk with them? All I remember was arriving at the hospital and seeing my younger, only sister in a bloodied mess, leg and arm ripped to shreds, her whole backside practically eaten, and her in panicked convulsions, wailing that she didn’t want to die.
I keep seeing the dogs ripping at her clothes, gnawing at her flesh so hard they rip right through it. I keep seeing her grief-stricken face, so horrified and alone. I should have been there to help her, I am her older sister and that is my job. That is why my father had to leave in the first place, because I was protecting my sister against an evil man by not telling anyone what he was doing to me. I didn’t want him to do to her what he was doing to me, I needed her to keep her innocence, her freedom, her happiness. Now it’s gone, I don’t see it in her eyes. I’ve spent all these years protecting her against a man that’s only existed in my mind, who hasn’t even been around me or her. I haven’t really been protecting her from anything, she is still hurt, she was still traumatized and now all I see in her eyes are empty, dead sockets as she lies in her hospital bed.
She’s not going to be able to survive through the 15 surgeries needed to repair all the damage. She’s not strong enough to withstand something like that, and even if she does she won’t be able to be that strong the rest of her life, live with that pain. I know my sister, she is too much like me. Unable to control the hurt, tell someone how you’re really feeling, what you really think about yourself. I know what she’s thinking, that this is all her fault, that she doesn’t deserve to live for being so stupid, I know. I have been in her same place.
The evil I thought I was protecting her from has now been transformed into another form, but it is still torture, pain, guilt. It is still waking up in the morning and dreading that you’ve lived through another night, or going to school and looking at the other children with contempt, because their lives are ordinary, they are ordinary, and you no longer get to be like them.
And yet, even though my sister may die, I still pray for those dogs that attacked her. I still feel sorry for them, it was only instinct, it was only the smell of our dogs on my sister that made them react the way that they did, you cannot blame a dog for it’s DNA. I wish they didn’t have to put them down, and I know my sister feels the same way. That is the difference between her and I, she is a forgiving person. She would pet and hug those dogs in a second if they were brought in to her, she would do that with any animal. That is where the guilt comes from, thinking you have just ended two lives, two precious animal lives, because of a scent that you had on you and a clueless three year old who left the front door open at his home. I know it is not her fault, but I know she feels it is, and that is going to kill her inside, as it does me. But I will be there for her no matter what happens, I will hold her hand and tell her not to be afraid, because God will take care of her, even if I don’t really believe that myself. But I can pray, and I can hope.
I hope all dogs go to heaven.
11 comments
I’ll pray too, my oldest brother was killed by an accident with our dog, but he died almost instantly. But I know what’s it’s like to tell someone that you love that everything will be allright when every piece of yourself is screaming that it won’t, the most you can do is be there for her until the end, wether that’s tomorrow or eighty years from now. You don’t have to be strong, you just need to be strong enough that she’s not worried about you, and strong enough that she has someone to lean on when she needs it. I am truly sorry about what happened.
It wasn’t the dogs fault it was the owners. Simple as that.
It wasn’t the dogs fault What? Why is evey one side in with the dog.
Dog’s are evil. I remember when i was like 7 year’s old being attacked by a jack russell. Bit me on my leg then chase in me around the park. Why do people keep dogs for?
certain dogs can be very instinctful. so can the people that buy them, some times. it’s neither your, nor her fault, that this happened; despite not improving the situation much.
My neighbors have three dogs, all pitbulls, that try to attack me, my roommates, my friends every time they see anyone outside. I’ve threatened to shoot those dogs if the owners let them run at us in our yard. The people refuse to keep them on leashes and tell me to “get to know the dogs” so they won’t attack me. Leash laws are in place for this very reason, and ignorant people still refuse to follow them. It is not the dogs’ fault; they are animals; they follow only their instincts. The sad thing is, humans are animals and follow their instincts to be as stupid as possible and to be as inconsiderate as they feel. I’m sorry for anyone who has been hurt or killed when all they wanted was to enjoy their life.
I think its pretty funny how all people care about is the dogs and NOT that my sister is very close to death. She’s lost a lot of blood and now she is getting sick from the open wounds getting infected. but that doesnt matter, all that matters is that the fucking DOGS are not to blame. whatever.
I’m sorry violet. I wish I had read this earlier. I hope your sis makes it through. You don’t deserve to have to loose her. Truthfully (and I’m not saying this because of your cOmment vi) I could care less about the dogs. They are instinctive but smart. They, to some extent, understand their actions. Are the doctors doing all they can to fight the infections and close the wounds? Keep on hoping with me that your sister will make it through and will be able to sing and laugh again.
I got everyone in the youth group at my church praying for your sister.
Man, Violet, I think this is the first time I’ve actually commented on one of your posts, but I can tell you that I have read so many of yours, and every single one breaks my heart.
Your story makes me not only sad, but angry. You are such a beautiful person, but this shit keeps happening to you, and it’s driving me insane to think about it.
I hope your sister finds the physical, mental, and emotional strength to make it through not only the surgeries and the hospitalization, but also the recovery process that follows. I hope that she will be able to live a full and happy life despite the pain she feels now.
If she finds even half the strength and courage that her sister has, though, I believe that she’ll go a long way.
I can only imagine how you must feel right now, and I cannot say I blame you for saying that you do not really believe that God will help your sister, but I think the fact that you still pray for her recovery and you still cling to that hope could make the difference in the world. I have a sister also, and she is older but has problems so I have always been the one to make sure that she was okay. Recently she was also hurt, not like your sister was, and I felt that guilt of not being there to make sure that she was not hurt. I cannot change that fact, but I can make sure that I am here for her through the aftermath of it all. I know it is not much, but hopefully you can take some comfort in knowing that you are with your sister now and helping her through what maybe the most difficult thing in her life. I will keep you and your sister and your family in my thoughts and prayers each day. I know it is hard to believe, but miracles do happen and God can help her pull through this.
@longtimegone: i actually feel extremely blessed that uve read so many of my posts. thank you for that. Your comment was very nice and ive read these to my sister because she gets bored laying in the hospital all by herself, and she agrees the people on here should all receive medals for being nice people. at least thats how she puts it 😛 Ur a very kind person and I appreciate you! 🙂
loneangel: thank you for havinh more faith then i am capable of having. it means a lot.