Well first i’ll say I have seen the conversations on this site alot and even though you don’t know me, I almost feel like I know/knew users like londonboy, sucks, abyss, girl int., etc. Because your stories get me through the day, so thank you; I don’t mean to sound bad or anything, but even knowing some people actually went through with it gives me peace at times; the only reason I haven’t joined before is because I only have phone internet.
Ok, a little about me: I live in california, my dad is a recovering alcoholic/addict, he was in a abusive relationship with a woman when I was 6-13, my mom lives in filth(clutter, etc.), I have o.c.d. And adhd, i am gay, I am extremely self hating/insecure, dad puts me down all the time and even says gf’s(including the one he was abusive with) mean more to him than me(dad and mom were never together during my life), someone tried to kill me twice when I was 7(wish he would have); me and my dad lost our house, trucks, everything, we have to live with uncle for free and share a room in the attic; honestly the only happiness I feel I get is from my cat and at times when I do animal protests(i’m vegan); though my cat is with mom in tennessee.
The first time I tried suicide was around 10 years old(cut wrists), then 13(gun), then 15(pills), 18(drank 100 proof vodka bottle and pills in about 15 minutes), and 20(aimed a 9mm gun in mouth and fired, but the bullet jammed).
i heard a story of a girl on suicide watch on day leave from a mental hospital that jumped from a car on her way back to the hospital and her body was scattered across the freeway near my house and i feel lifted/jealous that she could take the step but i can’t. isn’t that dysfuntional?!
Sorry that’s long, but now u know a little about me
8 comments
I know exactly what you mean. I was watching a movie, and in it a girl was slitting her wrists. I felt jealous and hated myself that I couldn’t bleed that much when I cut. :/
well hey i am sorry i cant think to much right now but i just wanted to say hey and i am glad i could help u even thou we have never talked.
but if u need someone i am here
ya, it seems like it’s so easy to do it, yet so hard to take that first step
thank you sucks
your welcome
sorry i am not much a help right now.
i bet i cut i would be more cleared in my head
oh this is something really big that idk why i forgot to mention: i am really close to my family back south(mississippi) and 8 weeks agoprobably my favorite or one of 2 favorite aunts shot her self in the head and killed herself, it hurt so much, yet i also understand it and really wish i could join her at times.
and life sucks thin you die, no worries, honestly right now i feel ok; i really just wanted to introduce myself cause iv’e wanted to join in all the conversations and talk when i really get to where i’m ready to do it again
i am tired and slightly buzzed right now too, so ya, i am gonna go, but night everyone
To all, and I say this for myself. If you really want to die, you would…like the girl who jumped from the vehicle. She made a definitive choice. I hate being in this cycle myself, it’s nuts.
A friend of mine said, just make a f’n choice, and I’m not encouraging or challenging anyone. Just get clear with yourself and you have to really have had enough and that’s it. I would encourage that if you find yourself in that moment, open your heart and (this won’t make sense so don’t try to rationalize it) and make a choice, in whatever you do. Good luck.