Well first i’ll say I have seen the conversations on this site alot and even though you don’t know me, I almost feel like I know/knew users like londonboy, sucks, abyss, girl int., etc. Because your stories get me through the day, so thank you; I don’t mean to sound bad or anything, but even knowing some people actually went through with it gives me peace at times; the only reason I haven’t joined before is because I only have phone internet.
Ok, a little about me: I live in california, my dad is a recovering alcoholic/addict, he was in a abusive relationship with a woman when I was 6-13, my mom lives in filth(clutter, etc.), I have o.c.d. And adhd, i am gay, I am extremely self hating/insecure, dad puts me down all the time and even says gf’s(including the one he was abusive with) mean more to him than me(dad and mom were never together during my life), someone tried to kill me twice when I was 7(wish he would have); me and my dad lost our house, trucks, everything, we have to live with uncle for free and share a room in the attic; honestly the only happiness I feel I get is from my cat and at times when I do animal protests(i’m vegan); though my cat is with mom in tennessee.
The first time I tried suicide was around 10 years old(cut wrists), then 13(gun), then 15(pills), 18(drank 100 proof vodka bottle and pills in about 15 minutes), and 20(aimed a 9mm gun in mouth and fired, but the bullet jammed).
i heard a story of a girl on suicide watch on day leave from a mental hospital that jumped from a car on her way back to the hospital and her body was scattered across the freeway near my house and i feel lifted/jealous that she could take the step but i can’t. isn’t that dysfuntional?!
Sorry that’s long, but now u know a little about me