Loneliness

It feels like the loneliness is what will kill me before I get the chance. I thought that I have been fighting it and keeping it back well enough. But I feel like it’s eating me alive and I can’t sleep anymore unless I cry myself to sleep but I have to be careful because of the people I live with. I’m starting to slip at work and things are getting to me more and more. Everytime I turn around I want to cry until I stop breathing. I never get to that point though I usally fall asleep be then or someone has come in my room to bug the living shit out of me. The pain of all of it just won’t go away and it’s been almost 12 years of my life. It got really hard about 8 years ago when my mother left and everytime I get these feelings she pops into my head but I don’t want to hate her because I know she’s sick and that she’s never coming back. So how do I make this pain go away??