I told my friends about these feelings and the ones I put less trust in stand by me and tell me they will help me through. The ones that I trust with my life tell me it is “Not a big deal.” I’m 16 but I know what it is like to be in love. I know what it is like to lose someone close. I know what it is like to feel lost and insecure. To feel like there is no way out. I’m feeling that way right now and I’m looking for help and ways to cope. It’s working I guess, which is why I’m here right now.. Writing this. But I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to ending my life.. To escape.
Last night I did a real number on my arm and it helped at the time but now I have to worry about hiding the cuts and taking care of them.Â I wish I could stop and I try to, but it keeps happening.Â It’s like a monster that comes to haunt me and isn’t satisfied until I cut.Â When I cut it’s tame for only a little while.Â It always comes back.