Twenty twenty twenty four hours ago!
I wanna be sedated.
I don’t like being alone/single. That was the one thing I had to keep me from doing this stuff to myself. I never had friends. Not ones here.. I had a boyfriend. That is what kept me from feeling so alone. Now I don’t have anything. I’m alone. It’s pathetic and you all are going to post and say I shouldn’t let anyone have that much control. But this is who I am. I thrive on being with people. You may also post that I should go out and name a few types of places. […]
Tonight I’ll test myself. I’ll cut myself. I’ll take a pill. I’ll cut again, deeper. I’ll take another pill. I’ll cut deeper, much more. Another pill. I’m sorry.
Dream good.
I am not pretty. I don’t get the guys. No one turns their head to look at me. No one goes out of their way to talk to me. I’m invisible.
Kaylee(me):You never talk to me anymore
Jeson:It’s hard to talk to you
Me:I feel like you’ve given up on this..
Jeson:I’ve changed
Me:You’re going to let this go? You’re going to say you love me and care for me and that I’m your best friend and act like we can go back to normal after you admit you’ve given up?
Jeson:It’s not that
Me:You can talk to everyone else easily….
Jeson: What do you mean?
Me: when we talk you are always staring at your phone smiling because of a girl
Jeson:What are you talking about? Â I talk to her like I talk to you.
I’ve been sick lately. I’ve been Very sick. I should take the pills and end it now. While my immune system is fucked now.
Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
I can’t get my mind off him. I feel like it is a never ending fantasy. I feel like I have no one. I live in a world that does not exist. What is wrong with me?
Do you hear me???
Sometimes I just stare at the comments you all post on my entries.. Sometimes I never reply you… Sometimes I feel like I can’t
I had fun yesterday. I wanted to cry when I got home and went to bed as soon as I laid down. I feel fat. I ate two brownies and I feel like I’m overweight. I weigh about 135lbs. I have dealt with weight problems but my excuse was always loss of appetite because of depression. Now I just don’t want to eat. I don’t want to gain weight. I want to be thin and I want my bones to show. I want to feel pretty. To feel like people are looking at me thinking “Wow she looks good”. I want to wear a skirt […]
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll actually do it. Will I ever kill myself? I might accidentally. Would I do it though? I might take 10 pills, but I might also think I’ll still wake up. I might slit myself all over and bleed and bleed. Will I actually KILL myself though? I came on this website after someone told me they didn’t love me. After they didn’t want anything to do with me. He told me he hasn’t for a while… So why did he pretend? I started cutting then. I started drinking because of him. I got into drugs. I smoked and I lied […]
Why doesn’t anyone understand the effect they have on people. They think they can get away being cruel people without any consequences.. Little do these people know that the people they hurt could be just about ready to kill themselves. Atleast in my case. Just about ready to hurt themselves. To cut their legs. To make themselves suffer because of the hurtful things they say. Because they make people like me think we are worthless. That we have no place here. That all we deserve is to be hurt and to suffer and make some of us think that the only way out is death.
Hi guys, as you saw on my post yesturday I was heading out to a water park/amusement park. I had fun while I was there but it was hard for me because of my social issues. I felt like people were staring at me and well someone said a rude comment to me. ‘By the end of the day I felt so stressed out. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Hah ):
I have to wear a bathingsuit/bikini today. I’m insecure about how I look. All I own is a bikini because my bathing suit looks like crap. We’re going to Dorney/water park. I hate how I look.Â
I wish I looked better. I have pink hair (under my blonde) AND I LOOK BAD! My legs and ass are huge. I don’t know how I’m going to go out today and like… take off my shorts. Ew…
I hate it..
I’m worthless
Tonight I got 10 pills ready to take. Just for a night long sleep. I had an okay night I guess. People made me happy today. Friends I thought I didn’t have. Maybe I really don’t have them though, maybe they’ll hurt me just the same.
Well I hope things get better for me(selfish but true comment). I’m tired of feeling like I want to die all the time.
Well anyways, anyone wanna talk? Anyone wanna fb me or text or anything?? I’m a bit lonely since its so early in the morning….
Understand that I’m going to be taking off comments and allow none from now on. I’m tired of people talking trash. Enjoy
I’m ashamed. I’m hurt. I’m not worth it obviously.
I just wish I would have realized it sooner. I wish I would have realized that this isn’t worth fighting. I’m ready to go and it’s not worth trying to stop me. I’m already gone
How could I be so blind?
How could I have let someone in that would hurt me so much. Threaten my future. And humiliate me.
How could he say he wants me back after he said all of that.
Why does this happen to me?
Why don’t these pills make my body fail.
9 sleeping pills later-
First of all I want to state that I’ve been posting here for a while and have been contemplating suicide for a little before I found this website. I’ve been sort of just going with the flow until something would finally just push me over the edge. I’ve been losing friends and I’m in a relationship that feels like is just falling apart. Somehow that hasn’t even pushed me a single bit. At least until today. I feel like I’ve been a crappy friend the few years that I started to rely on friends over the internet. In 8th grade I had a relationship that […]
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