suicide countdown and some shit – 1,5-2 hours

okay so i didn’t go through with it ’cause mum woke up too early from her nap

i just woke up and she’s still sleeping, so yeah

okay so i’ma just tell you all how i grew up real quick so you get a better view of my situation;

i grew up with mum, without friends, dad didn’t want me and he was a complete ***** to my mum, so she kicked him out when i was 8 months old. he’s an alcoholic.

mum and i used to be close but now we can’t barely be in the same room . we always yell at each other and argue. she says she doesn’t wanna see me again, kicks me out the house and threatens me. and she says i’m just like dad. which i’m definitely not

like i said, i grew up without friends, when i was a toddler i always played these baby drums, guitar and some piano attached to a book. then i got my first guitar when i was like 10 or 11, now i’m 17

anyway, i had friends a few years ago but i blew it ’cause of my dysfunctional family and mental issues. manic depression, sleeping problems, anger issues, social anxiety, major ocd, mood swings and i’m a major emetophobe. emetophobia is a phobia of feeling and beign sick.

i’ve almost been killed 3-5 times where i live. i was bullied in school and got beat up a lot. i was often chased home from school as well.

so i sit in my room and play guitar and harmonica all day. i like making people laugh. i like watching ghost hunters international, friends, that ’70s show, everybody loves raymond and king of queens. and there’s this documentary i love to watch, madagascar – island of marvels. highly recommend it.

my depression’s made me kinda lose the interest in making music, i used to make music and listen to music all the time, now i just play random shit for a few minutes ’cause i just cba. it’s kinda hard to explain but if you have or have had manic depression or depression or whatever i think you’ll know what i’m talking about.

so yeah i guess that’s it. i might or might not post one last post later ‘fore i go

awh shit this turned out much longer than i wanted it to. but yeah whatever, you ain’t gotta read all of it

EDIT: i dropped out of high school ’cause of me and my mum, my mental issues and bullying. i never paid attention anyway, i’ve never even studied in my life. i always sat there playing guitar in my head kinda. so yeah my grades weren’t the best (before high school, idk what my grades were in high school)

i used to steal jewellery and shit to afford a meal when i was 14. i still have to but i don’t do it. mum has a job but she doesn’t get paid so it’s kinda pointless to still work there. idk what she does though so errm yeah.