I know, so many others have said it but if you’re like me you don’t believe any of them. I really just want to die. I shouldn’t though. At least that is what people say. None of them understand though, they have their friends and family all close to them. I don’t. I’m alone in this cold world, teachers say I’m brilliant, I feel like an idiot. Girls think I’m nice and funny, I think I’m a sarcastic asshole. Is it just me? I mean I should be normal, but I’m not, I like things people don’t like, I’ll hate myself if someone says something about me yet, I’ll smile and jokingly reply, never intending to offend them though. I’m seriously fucked up, I just want to end it all.
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If you want/need someone to talk to, you can IM me at SynysterWays00 on AIM.
why do you want to end it all? for what exactly?
I dont really have my family. well yeah i have family but its just like if i died im sure they wont care a bit. and friends i have friends but they arent my friends. They dont care about me. I mean i go out somtimes hang out with them put a smile for them give them advice but all they do is use me. well your not alone in this world. im here for ya and everyone here is here for you. If u want to talk you can e-mail me if you want to, im here for you. i know how you feel. so if u wanna e-mail me its jamielarsen8583@hotmail.com
you sound fine to me , well a lil fucked up , but that is way you are , iv been battling depression forever , don’t know when it started or when it’ll end but the fact remains is that is me and i would not have it any other way, you will be stronger than anyone who hasn’t felt like you , it will make you wise and when you clamor out of your hole you will see the light brighter than anyone ever could, stop looking for the world for love and start loving yourself and then you can give love and with time receive it , what experience now is impartial love because people can sense ur feelings and choose not to show true love because their afraid to disrupt you further but once you come to terms with ur thoughts and soul being this will no longer happen and you can continue to struggle with life like everyone else in this unfair world , its only thing someone can do really
love
your friend
greg
No one can be classified as ‘normal’, because we are all fucked up in the head. There is nothing wrong with being a sarcastic asshole. Most people find that to be a perk and very entertaining.
Having families isn’t that great. They get in to your business and try to help because they are worried. Why do you think that you are fucked up?
The way i look at it .i dont like my life hate it infact and hate myself too, but iv attempted suicide and failed, iv shit friends,we all do fuck all only go around drinking and stupid shit ang getting ourselves in truble, i live in a shit place,i fucked up in school i fucked up the only relationship i ever had and i loved her and our baby i havent seen him in months and im dying to see him everyday, i put my family under pressure for the way that i am and the things iv done, if you where too see me you would see a rough looking guy whos not good with talking and doesnt like to be spoken too, i put out this “im dangerous leave me alone kindof vibe”i have a sever obsession with fighting and training everyday without fail unless im drinking because knowing i can fight makes me feel secure and thats all i think about everyday and i hate it. im only 21 and i see all these people my age going to college and having fun and being confident getting girls instead of fucking scaring them like i do, and i wonder to myself why am i so fucked up why cant i be one of them. i only had one person i wasnt afraid to let my gaurd down too and that was the girl i was with for three years and i managed to hurt her and fuck that up like i do with everyone and everything. i wouldnt try kill myself again for my family sake, best to keep deep iside like i do and just get on with it and stay behind this big wall i put up. but ya no doupt about it i do wish god would take me away every single day. sorry this was so long^
With me, its religion. I read that all my sins are forgiven and now God wants to bless me out of my socks, because through Jesus Christ I have found favor with Him. meaning He gives me all things pertaining to life and wholesomeness (mind and body.)
Wow!
But I have been believing this for 50 years; Where is it? My experiences of abundant life are few and far between. The Bible says I don’t have to earn God’s favor, it is given to me through the death and resurrection of His Son. I only need to receive! I did! and still do! So where is the experience of this abundant life??? I mean, sooner or later, you got to ask that question. Other Christians won’t admit it, but they also deal with what I deal with. I don’t know. Am I a fool for believing the bible all these years? And if so—talk about depression! Well, anyway, I spent 50 years reading the whole bible through 13 times—doing 1000’s of bible studies—teaching—preaching—etc. etc. And I have no answer for my lack of actually possessing what the bible says is mine. What a drag! But I have to admit, reading in 2 Corinthians 1:20 that all the promises of God are mine in Christ Jesus does stir something up in me, and gives me hope and makes me feel all emotional inside, which I guess is good—right? So with that I plan to keep reading and believing the best I can;
I, as a Christian, am not supposed to believe that it is all a fantasy, but what if it is? Nevertheless, reading about God’s favor does make me feel good. Kind of like daydreaming—it is a stress reliever and gives me some kind of inward happiness. Unfortunately, when I come out of my daydreams, there is reality and the pain in mind and body. It is the same with Bible. I read it, I believe it, and there is euphoria— and then the reality that the pain is still there in mind and body. Yecchh.