ok, so i am 14 years old, a freshman in highschool.
my father died when i was three years old and i have been trying to deal since then. i have been depressed for about 6 years. i try to tell my mom but she just doesnt get it. i talk to this lady at my school but she doesnt know the whole truth. i started cutting at the beginning of second semester and i havent stopped since. i dont try to hide them cuz i just want someone to notice and to care.
but no one has said anything yet. i used to have friends, but they all left a couple weeks ago because of a stupid fight. i cant do it anymore by myself. sschool is dumb and i dont fit in.
all i want is for someone to care. its hard when my mom works two jobs and then doesnt wanna deal with me. i put on a smiling face but when somebody says something i just snap.
there are these boys on the bus who tell me everyday that i am ugly and not worth anything and i have no boobs and i should kill myself, at first you can just shrug it off, but after 4 years it really starts to sink in. people just dont get it. and i dont think they really care. i just need someone who will listen.
4 comments
Those boys are morons, and they don’t deserve your time. I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t worry about them, just try to ignore it. I know you’re an amazing person, so don’t think about them.
hey ruuei… i am a bit older but i am familiar with what you are going through… you are at a very emotionally hard time in your life.. the HS years are very tuff on people… some lose it and kill people and themselves… some use drugs… some cut ( i was a cutter at the age of 12 )… some become recluse… some are ass holes and take their fears out on other people… if you can look at it like some people are just immature little pissants… whatever it takes… try to find another outlet for the hurt and fears you feel… after years of cutting i have a bunch of scars on my body that i am ashamed of… i have sat with the misery of depression of not being a loser but a quitter for many years.. i wish i could show you how much happier and joyful life can be… but it is something you have to do… and it is not finding happiness and joy cause they are always there…. but letting go of the hurt and fears… if you are spiritual at all… try talking to your creator or whatever you call it… hang in there… good luck… and dealing with these pissant moron boys will only make you a stronger person later in life…:)
One word Music! thats all you need is music. On the bus music. Have some of thise big headphones and have music on really loud. I do it all the time even at home or when im in a car i would have my hadphones on so i dont have to hear them. Just try it out. Also im in high school in the 10th grade i know what its like.
They are right, the boys on the bus are idiots. If they ever again say something about your boobs, tell them that your breast will grow in time and become beautiful round, soft and sweet, while ther dicks are as useless as the thing they call brain.
And let´s be serious. TV and Hollywood try to tell you something different, but school sucks. It isn´t fun. When I was a teenager, I needed to kick some guys balls, otherwise I had no chance to escape their bullying. It is hard to stand it, but you have to tell yourself every morning that you are better than they will ever be.
And if you really want something to care for, why not adopting a pup? They love you with all their heart and the will protect and comfort you. And if you cannot pay for a pup try a pound or an animal home. These creatures need love as much as you do.
And one thing: I know there is nothing harder than not being able to tell anyone about your pain. So if you ever need to talk or to tell someone,do not hesitate. Open your mouth. Maybe you like to talk to me, maybe to someone else you trust – just do it. You are still young and you have a whole life to live. Right now you still have time to become an amazing and happy woman. Do not throw your future away because of some morons on a schoolbus.