For the last 2 weeks of vacationas a soon to be junior in high school, I have been playing video games all day every day, nothing else at all, isolated from other humans other than mom stepdad sister uncle and occasional friend. Other than that nothing. I have a routine after 1am…
2:00A.M.
I feel depressed and sad, I also post on SP usually at that time.
3:00A.M.
I feel some sort of crazy insanity. Highly likely this time I would choose to murder or suicide.
4:00A.M.
Oddly, I end up feeling aroused/horny and romantic, but also lonely, normally I masturbate at this time or attempt to keep myself from choking.
4:21A.M.
I’m asleep at this time except today.
It’s routine every day. I dreamt about a girl for the past three days, she was my age, black hair, smooth hair and shiny, cute Mexican american face, and either a family friend or something. She lived with us and I found her irresistible. The latest dream.
We walked out the back door of my house left to the side gate and went to front yard in afternoon. We wanted discretion because we lived together, I moved her bangs on her right eye and was gonna kiss her. Then woke up.
I was watching a show on netflix called obsessed and it was about OCD and I personally have a very tiny OCD where I hate unsymetrical objects or something so I crack my fingers the same amount every single one, and when I chew on my cheeks for no reason at al I use my left side 4 times then right then center all 4 times each. It’s not that big of a deal but anyways it’s just a slight thing. My hair on my forehead is barely past my eyebrows and it’s itchy at around 4 am like unbelievably itchy. It’s probably the dandruff and every time I scratch it I feel the scar on my forehead from the bully. I haven’t choked myself in a while and I think this is all I really wanted to write for now. My insanity and I want to join the army, get some experience, join A PMC organization and kick ass unless I get kill whichever comes first…
13 comments
Also left out the part where even online people are dicks same mexican group that hate their own kind. I love telling them “you know what ima commit suicide really soon so fuck u I’m out” some even go as far as saying go for it. Soon it won’t be a fuckin joke. Damn my eyesight is horrible I’m squinting at my screen…
I never really keep a schelde of everything i do but basically i would do everything exactly the same even over summer i was like that but now im back in school and still want to kill myself more than anything
Yeh sane here school starts in Two weeks for me I really wish I had a longer time gonna go back to schedules waking up early and that stupid shit…
i have ocd too man, like major ocd, pretty much everything i do is some sort of ocd routine
What are your symptoms, like cleanliness or what? Symetrical need to be symmetrical, except it’s not bad for me just slight things
cleanliness, stuff can’t go over the edges on tables and shit, gotta line everything up, i breathe a certain way when i do certain stuff, i count everything, stuff gotta face a certain direction, i gotta walk a certain way, stuff like that
hey man, idk if you’ve read my other comments about adding my msn, but like i wanna ask you some questions and sutff so errm
mrsebastior@hotmail.com
like i said, you don’t have to add it, it’s just that i really wanna ask some questions
idk if my other comment sent so i gotta redo it;
cleanliness, stuff can’t go over the edges on tables and shit, gotta line everything up, i breathe a certain way when i do certain stuff, i count everything, stuff gotta face a certain direction, i gotta walk a certain way, stuff like that
hey man, idk if you’ve read my other comments about adding my msn, but like i wanna ask you some questions and sutff so errm
mrsebastior -at- hotmail -dot- com
like i said, you don’t have to add it, it’s just that i really wanna ask some questions
doesn’t seem to send my comments when i add my hotmail
okay so i might as well ask my questions here, right?
how do i know i’ve blocked the carotids?
how long does it take for my head to hurt if i only block the jugulars?
whenever i try it, usually everyday, i put the ligature real high and i tighten it quickly, then i start feeling like kinda warm in my face, like i’m blushing and i feel kinda light headed
oh and i feel like a pulse in my head too
could you describe the exact feeling you’re supposed to eel when you do it right?
Well I just choked so I might not make sense but when u choke u lose conciousness and ur brain begins to shut down. I normally if I screw up the blood stays in my head or whatever and pools together and u hear ur heart beat in ur head an it’s unbearable and u might not knock out if it happens. When I choke. I smell mucus, then my brain shuts down and my hands release and for a brief 10 seconds I have muscle spasms and my eyes lose sight and then regain in a few moments. Mainly what it was, lemme do it again if I can focus….haha got a muscle spasm and im on an air matters so I made a lotta noise. If it’s ur suicide method you might like to not feel it so u should lose consciousness and die like that but u may have muscle spasms that will move u and u might lose feeling in ur legs. (funny thing about spasms, I hit myself in the nuts with my right fist once, couldn’t feel a thing for 5 seconds haha)
yeah this is the method i wanna use but i have no clue if i’m doing it right man, i don’t wanna hold it for too long in case i pass out and mum finds me, do you mind reading my description in my latest entry, it’s called ‘goodbye’ i’m planning on leaving today but i really wanna make sure i do it right
Well I read it and maybe can u wait a while we can videochat if u can on skype or something cause it’s hard to explain. Poising feeling to hand writing with one hand only sorry haha well ima read the choked cartoid one now
actually man, i tried it again and i made a post, it’s called choked carotid arteries