I always feel guilt, towards others… When I cut. I’m scared to commit suiced. I always think of how bad it would hurt if I lost someone that is important to me. My boyfriend is going through some shit right now and we got on the phone and talked for a bit. He said he hated his life and everything and everyone in it. I’m either nothing or everything… I still havent figured it out yet. He threatens to kill himself quite often… I always tell him “Brett dont. Suicide is permanent there would be no going back to a life that you CAN change for the better. It could be worse.” He could be in my spot… Just watching this happen to him I dont want to just be a by-stander while hes dying inside. I wish there was something I could do to make his world shine again, but everytime I try… He just ignores it. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m cutting because of his pain.
The meaning of life is to love and be loved, and survive the days we havent left yet. Today is allwe have, tomorrow isnt here yet and yesterday has gone dead on us anyways. Everything that happens in the past stays there. You cant change it. I wish I could say different but I just cant right now. Pain is something we all have to feel at some point but dont you want to be the one that can say “I beat it… I’m still alive”. Cutting is one thing wrong, but suicide is never a good alternative. Yes, I have tried… A lot. I always got through the bad times. Now they are just old scars, and memories.
I cant help but think why. Why would you want to, it could always be worse. Some people say that they just didnt have anything to live for. They were wrong. Everyone does… They just need to find what it is. Everyday… Just start with a clean slate, forgive everyone and dont live with anger and hatred. If you do end up committing suicide, atleast tell someone… Let them say goodbye and cry WITH you. Say goodbye and let everyday count. Life is too damn short for this shit. Suicide is just a little voice in you’re head tell you to take away you’re life. Taking away your life would be like taking away someone elses life, just because your gone. There is ALWAYS somebody that misses you and loves you. If you left then they would fall apart. Dont set yourself apart from everyone else, because chances are there is someone close to you going through the exact same thing. You dont have to stay silent, dont. Tell someone how useful they are. They cant live without you and chances are you cant live without them either. I can think of a lot of people I would kill myself over if they took their life, I would fall apart. I’d simply be dead to the worl. I would somehow keep going though because… Ya know what? You never get a second chance at life. Make it last. Do whatever you have to do to make yourse;f keep going. Atleast die trying.
I hope I helped SOMEONE. If anyone is ever in need of someone to talk to, I’ll always listen and I give damn good advice. smallbeans925@yahoo.com is my email. Dont wait for someone to come along, go find them… Find your purpose because you know you have one, you just wont admit it. Pain is going to come into your life quite often, but YOU need to find the strength to say “I’ll get better, despite my hurt.”
16 comments
“It could be worse.”
We kill ourselves BEFORE it gets worse. The longer you stay here, alive, the more attached somebody will become. They will grow a stronger bond with you, and when you kill yourself, its an even worse feeling for them then it would be if you killed yourself before. Thats because they went through more with you and they made you part of their life, so when you kill yourself, your killing part of them as well. Dont wait to kill yourself, the longer you wait, the more you’re going to hurt that person. This is just my opinion of course, other could think differently
Well,, you are abselutely right, but you dont have to kill yourself. Its a decision your own decision and you dont have to do it. Things will always get worse before thy can get better, but hey, ya gotta go through the bad to get to the good.
i walk into the darkness, because i dont want to cause harm. but i cant die till everyone who loves me is dead, so nothing is wasted on me. Life is hard and will get harder and will probably not get better. But at least all the people who love me wont feel any sadness because of me . Life is fucked in my opinion. i cant walk down the street without seeing someone who needs more help the me. all i am is evil. I am alone in a crowd full of people. and im hollow til my neices force me to smile at them. I wish that all my pain could be converted into happiness for my family… I wish i could help them..
All you can do is try to keep everyone happy.. If death calls for you, she will have you
It doesnt have to be that way though. Dont do it. You can and will find a way to live happy… everyone can.
The thing is your Boyfriend has to wanna live his life for himself. And if he won’t change his perspective of life into a more positive one then theres really nothing you can do. You shouldn’t cut yourself even if its because you feel his pain. He is choosing to stay in that state. I used to be just as lost as your bf. I used to be in a relationship were i found no reason to live and what not and my bf had to deal with my sorrow. Since then ive been trying to change and being close to dying kind of open my eyes. The thing is if he doesnt want to help himself then you shouldnt be with him. i know i dragged my bf through hell and it affected him in a way that i can never forgive myself for. I know this may not be what you want to hear but maybe you need to hear it. He needs to want to help himself and if he chooses not to then he will suffer and you will get dragged down and that just isn’t fair. And yes i know life is very very hard but its the way you handle yourself that determines how much you are affected by it. If you let something drag you down you cant really complain about it cuz you had the option to stand your ground. I dont know if i made sense and im not trying to sound rude in any way i just want to share my experience.
Thank you, it did make sense and I think it was something I needed and was going to hear evantually. I just cant help the fact that hes going through this. He might get sent to foster care or a private school. I really dont want that to happen just because he had a big fight with his dad. Just me being here I know isnt enough for him, I know he needs more, and I’m sure if he just read what you said then I’m sure he would feel like shit too. I have to hear him say everyday “I’m going to kill myself” I know he wont but what if some day it gets so bad that he actually does, I dont want to wait for that day… I never want it to come. I just want to help him but I know it int always going to be enough. His dad made fun of him for being vegetarian and a bunch of other stuff, then pushed him up against a wall and they started punching each other. I cant let this happen anymore I cant stop it, I know. I just cant watch it happen to him.
Suicide is a sign of weakness. It shows that you are afraid of going on or just running away from something. It will always get back to you when you’re dead. It shows that you cant keep standing even when you’re still sitting.
Suicide is a sign of weakness? You are absolutely clueless.
@FallenAngel83 “It will always get back to you when your dead?” Really? Wow! What a fresh perspective…lol.
And your statement “Suicide is a sign of weakness.” ? lol. You wouldn’t have a clue, trust me. Sorry, have to run. Need to figure out whether I can sit while standing before I stand on sitting. I got that right didn’t I???
lol
ha
I’m glad that whole “meaning of life” question finally got answered. Love and be loved. Wow, I wonder how all of the other great thinkers throughout the ages could’ve missed that one? What about people who are incapable of giving or receiving love…..what meaning is there for them?
Every one has a reason to live? Does that include somebody sentenced to death, awaiting their execution on death row?
How about the stage 4 cancer victim? What about the paraplegic who will never walk, feed themselves….just lay in bed, paralyzed from the neck down? I guess it’s better to suffer in silence until the inevitable arrives?
The individual who has no hope for the future, no prospects looming on the horizon…what is that persons reason for living?
Thank you for trying, chances are your intentions are pure. Unless you’ve walked a mile in somebody else’s shoes, you’re not qualified to make sweeping generalizations about remedying another persons unique, specific situation. No offense, btw.
@lucy4…….EXACTLY!
FallenAngel83…..until “they” can spend a day in our existence, the rest of the “world couldn’t begin to empathise with what we go though on a daily basis. Your platitudes though I am sure are heartfelt and sincere are what we get from “THEM”. And THAT, adds to our “thing”.
What most of us need, in my humble opinion, is to feel that someone is there for them. No matter who that someone is. I was NEVER suicidal until a few weeks ago, when I lost the last person who I KNEW was there for me. Until you get to that point, to feel that utterly alone, you can’t imagine the desolation, the emptiness and the loneliness that takes over your soul like a virus. It is SO easy to embrace the Other Side.
At that point your life will take one of two streams. The first, someone comes into your life quickly enough to make you feel like you mean something to them. The second, Death,
There is no in between. If your not dead, your just waiting to die. Unless………
imho, I could be wrong…Peace
@fallenangel83
Thats exactly how i was every little thing i took it the wrong way and i would blow up into tears over something ridiculous. He needs to change him maybe you should tell him maybe he should read my comments. I was where he is and now i’m ok now and he needs to and if he chooses not to then you need to take a break from him. He needs time to fix himself and you need time away from feeling his pain.
I was just trying to help people that needed it, I have been there and I still am on the verge of suicide. If I cant help myself then I want to help other people. You have no fucking idea of what i go through every day, and I dont know what you go through, but still. Dont fucking judge me if you dont know me please. When I said “the meaning of life” I meant in my own opinion. I geuss you could say i tried to write more of a short story or poem.
I didnt mean to offend anyone and in my point of view I was just trying to give hope to the hopeless. (this comment was directed to @imyouroldman , @lucy4 , @frenzy )
And yes, I THINK suicide is a sign of weakness… you dont have the strength to go on and you dont want to. I’m trying to explain what I meant by most of this. There is always much better ways to cope then that, and everyone knows that… If you dont then you must be smoking somethin’ really strong.
A few people I knew committed suicide, I know a lot of people that still want to die because they were so close to that person, but they are still here… Living on the earth. Going through their lives despite pain and agony.
@aline_01 first of all, thank you for understanding what i was trying to say. And, I dont want to break up with him, for his good and mine. I know he cares a lot about me and doesnt want to loose me, and I want the same for him. I just cant see him going through this pain. When ever I’m with him he suddenly feels like living, hes happier. When we are just on the phone, most of the time he just wants to kill himself or he is getting shitfaced with pills and alcohol.
I think one of the reasons I’m with him is because what he is doing is familier to me, my dad is an alcoholic and Brett acts a lot like my brother did. I dont have that many people to run to and Brett is one of the few that I do have, I dont want to loose him. I love him too much. I do want his pain to ease up though, I know it will never go away but I atleast want it to let him see the light of day again.
@FallenAngel83: Sometimes I say mean shit to vulnerable people. Especially these days. No excuse for a bully and I should know better.
But, I am just a “human”.
I wonder what happened to us? How did we wind up HERE???
Sorry…..sincerely.
@imyouroldman Seriously, I mean… why couldnt we just end up on Mars? 😛
You dont have to say sorry, it was how you took it and you’re opinion. I’m the same way sometimes.
It’s just, everyone always has the same questions, and they are always left unanswered. It seems like “God” tries to screw with our heads sometimes. Just leave us left breathless. But hey, why do bad things happen to good people? That seems pretty cliched if you ask me. Suicide just takes over the minds and lives of innocent people that dont deserve these thoughts.