Just Can’t Climb Over This Wall…

I’m really not in a good state of mind right now, I just can’t seem to get my head clear. You see this new girl got highered at my work  and i thought she was cute from the start but I never thought anything of it because well, its work. But a week or 2 later my friend tells me that she likes me so i went with it and we started talking a lot and just suddenly i really fell for her and eventually we hooked up. Then a few days later everything hit the fan…first i come into work and she is covered in hickeys like seriously nasty bruise hickeys all over her neck……then i find out it was from her X and then she tells me that she told him everything about what happened between me and her and now he wants to kill me, even though they were broken up. Then a few more days later i find out she is back with him and shes telling me not to call or text her and all this bullshit because he wants to kill me….For some damn reason I’m very attracted to this girl and i just can’t seem to get through this. Ive literally never felt so disgusted in my entire life, i feel like its eating away my insides. Ive also come to notice a big loss of appateite and i can barley sleep much unless i pass out drunk or high and every time i see her at work i just think about suicide, giving up on everything just ending it all in an instant. When i get home from work I feel horrible and empty. I know this may sound dumb because its just about a girl and all  but what’s worse is how do i get rid of these feelings of wanting to die? why can’t i get over it!? I’m so tired of feeling like just a piece of shit of the floor. I really just cant take feeling like this anymore and death really does not scare me so it makes these thoughts that much more tempting