Next month i want to do it cause well it supposed to be my birthday then and thats how i want to die on my birthday. Lets just say, its a little personal gift for myself. But anyways i have pently of time to do it although my birthday is on fucking fall break i might just do it ealier. But that someonthing that one thing that seems to be holding me back from doing it. That is i die then they will be left here all alone. The reason why im still here is because of him. Although we been together for three months it seem to be the greatest. He makes me happy and feel special. I cant let him go with my deed. So for now i guess i have to put it on hold. That i will have to wait awhile before i do off myself.
So what is really your reason your still here? What is suddenly holding you back from offing yourself?
21 comments
He needs you, go to him
1. Human instinct to live. That is how we evolved to where we are now.
2. The loss of the few joys in my life. (people, music, ect)
Right now I’m just waiting for what I need to go to arrive. It’ll be here in two days.
I hope it was worth the money
What are you gonna do dearly?
My sons. They are 16 and 18 now, and have no-one else. I just cannot do it to them…now.
But one day they won’t need me anymore, and then I will be finally free to leave.
Your sons will always need you
Yes, to some degree, but certainly less once they are grown up. I will try always to hang in there, but I have treatment resistent depression, and there will likely be a point when the balance will tip from their right to have a mother to my right to end my pain.
I havent lived wit my moms for bout a year and a half now and i miss her. She’s my moms and i’ll always need her more than either her or i will ever know.
I know, I feel guilty as it is. I just can’t bear the thought of living another forty years 🙁
Don’t feel guilty. My moms has a hereditary depression. She always feels down and no matter how much she tries to hide it i know shes down. I don’t know, call it sons ambition. I feel bad cause i don’t do much for her. I’ve worked my ass off to become a good person for her and now shes proud of who i am. May seem hard to realize but i know your sons feel your pain too.
Yes, I think they do. I try to hide it as much as I can, but spending 4 months in 1 1/2 years in a psychiatric hospital was not something I could keep secret 😉
How would you feel if your mom killed herself and you know and understood that she just had no other way of escaping her perpetual emotional pain. Of course you would be devastated first, but do you think you could ever understand and move on?
I am in my case talking about having really tried everything, lots of different meds, single therapy, group therapy, excellent hospital 3 times, psychiatrist…..
So much happened to me, I am just broken beyond repair.
I’d prolly hate the shit out of myself. Yea i’d understand why she did it but she’s still my moms, i love her to no end. She’s just some person who’s gone through a hard life and needs a way to me. she’s my moms, i don’t care how selfish i would be, she’s my moms and i need her around. I don’t what i’d do without my moms. I want her with me and i got money saying your sons feel the same way.
i meant shes NOT just some person who’s gone through a hard life and needs a way out
I hear you. I gotta sleep now, it’s past midnight where I live, thanks for talking TC.
Anytime and please stick around.
I will, at least for the next few years 🙂
Time differences always fascinate me
its about 1:30 am where im at
12:30pm on sunday here
jus turned monday