Just like I always say, things will only get worse for me. I just got screamed at by my mother for not going to mass because I was too busy doing my homework. Then she told me to go to bed because “she said so.” I turned off the lights and slammed my head against the floor 3 times pretty damn hard and then I cried. And cried. And cried some more. Now I think I may have a concussion. Then she came back to yell at me some more. When she left, I whispered saying”God…..please kill me.” Then I cried some more. Then she came back saying how I screwed everything up. When she left, I looked over at the scissors next to me. I took them. I was ready to do it. I tried stabbing myself in the stomach, but they just weren’t sharp enough. Again I cried. She came back again asking me if I wanted to watch a movie with her. I said no. Then, she went on about how she loves me and that she’s sorry she yelled at me but she’s still mad and I’m still getting punished. I believe that was a lie. She doesn’t love me and she’s not sorry. Don’t worry Mother, I won’t be a problem for much longer.
-End
5 comments
I am sure your mum loves you, but like everybody else she is a person with flaws and limits. Give yourself a chance to fully grow up and find your own life. It may be wonderful. If not there is always time to die later.
I’ve had a very non-nurturing mum, but I still had many good moments in my life, and managed to raise two gorgeous happy sons. Give it some time, you will get through this.
Your mom loves you i promise you she does. She just wants what she thinks is best. She’s your moms and no matter what she’ll always think of you before anything else.
Well, your mother asked you if you wanted to watch a movie with her. I dont even know where my mother is or whether she is alive, as she left right after I was born. What I am saying with that is that you still have a mother and while yes, she may lose her temper and start talking nonsense that does not equal to having an evil as a mother.
I think you need to pay attention to something. Your experiencing of the yells and quarrels was lived with completely excessive reaction, I mean hitting your head against the floor, about to stab yourself with scissors etc etc. you need to hold it there because that is overreaction to something. I mean, one thing is to be angry, upset or rabious but you should identify in yourself that you are not managing these situations pretty well so you should be alert for next time, and not expose yourself like that, or talk to your mother in advance.
Why is your mother mad in the first place, may I ask?
Go to mass. Do your homework when it is not time for mass. Do the very simple things you mother wants from you (according to this post). She has a responsibility to raise you to be a good person, so she imposes things on you that you may not like. However, they are bearable; mass is bearable. The situation will improve if you do what she asks, as long as it is something that is not bearable.
She is you mother. She has a job to do; try and see it from her point of view.
Love and light to you, sweetie.