I feel like writing about myself…… I don’t know why.
My name… well, just call me Snowy. I really don’t want to give out my name, just in case someone I know might be lurking on this website… o__o” I’m a girl. I’m 14. I’m young. I know.
I don’t really remember how I ever found this website, probably just one of those suicide Google searches I do once in a while. I started out reading people’s posts and whatnot. After I made an account, I never really had the guts to comment or really make any posts…
Well anyways.. more about me.. I have a lot of issues. I cut. I’m suicidal. I probably have depression. Probably bi-polar? Maybe a tiny bit schizophrenic? (Not sure, never been diagnosed properly by a doctor or whatever..) Definitely insane.
I don’t really have a family. My dad was abusive towards my mom when I was only a baby, and she left him. I never really cared that I didn’t have a father when I was little.. Currently hes off somewhere with his new wife, and new family. He even adopted a son. I also hate my mom. I don’t have a pinch of love for her. Nothing. I seem so selfish, but all the shit she put me through, like beat me, spend all my college funds on partying and alcohol, call me nasty things, refuse to take me to therapy…. Ehh..
Honestly, I don’t know where things just began to go downhill. I started cutting when I was 11. I never really understood why I started, it was just because of some pathetic breakup. Back then, I had self control. I didn’t crave it, didn’t need it.  A year later, it got worse. I had constant suicidal thoughts. I couldn’t stop cutting. At that time, I was seeing a school counselor. That was sort of an attempt to get myself help… He never called my mom or anything though. I also started hearing voices? (I’m not even sure what they were…) They always criticized me everywhere. In school, at home, with friends… Always called me useless, and told me to simply die. I once drank alcohol alone just to “make everything go away”. Then at age 13, I just stopped going to him. I cut a lot, I had so many thoughts… I was on my own. During the summer, my mom saw the cuts on my arm (Yeah, she never noticed until that day…) and screamed at me. She didn’t do anything after that though… I still had “voices?”, and I even named them. Hailey and Callie. Hailey basically hated me, and Callie just argued with Hailey. They don’t talk much nowadays though…
I guess my cowardice kept me alive to today. I see myself as nothing. Pathetic. A waste. I simply hate myself.
Ehh, I guess I’m done writing for now.
6 comments
i think you just need the attention. i went through something like that. i have been kind of distant from my family for years but it wasn’t until grade 7 that i started to hate them. i stared cutting my stomach – i’m a swimmer and i couldn’t risk someone seeing the cuts – the cuts were deep and left nasty scars that i wish i could just get rid of. i was 15 when that happened. i’m still 15 but the only difference is that now i’ve stopped cutting. i just resisted. i also stopped popping pills because i used to take a lot of them. i curently have 120 pills sitting in a sock for “just in case” but i don’t think i’ll need them. you can work out of this. like you said, you’re young. you’ll still experience love, hate, happieness, sadness, and find some beauty in life.
Hello darlin. I am a 42 year old female. I live in Australia. I hear voices, but matey, those voices are from ghosts who have passed over (dead). The voices don’t say horrible things to me though. Did you know you are very psychic and probably a medium. You have attracted some awful ghosts that are around you infuencing you with their bullshit. They have latched onto you because your defences are down. Please tell them to “F#CK OFF out of your home and your head” Do not believe FOR ONE SECOND you are bipola or schizophrenic.
Did you want me to help you? It is horrible what you have been through and also what you are doing to yourself. It really has to stop soon. You deserve to have a normal life. You know you can – you just have to have faith and hope.
I am not on here to commit suicide, but to encourage people not to do it.
You have an amazing gift – if only you knew that. You are a medium a psychic. If you want a little helping hand please email me. I can help you get rid of those horrible ghosts that are around you and help you enhance the real abilities/gifts you have.
Please try and stop cutting yourself. You are robbing yourself from an unbelievable life I know you are capable of having one.
Love and light young lady
Ruthy 🙂
oh its Ruthy again
– forgot to give you my email address
ruthz@westnet.com.au
have a great day night and week and if I dont hear from you my friend.
HAVE AN AWESOME LIFE – You can control it!!!!!
It sounds like you might have Disassociative Identity Disorder. Not that I disagree with what that Ruthy person said about psychic and medium stuff. As disorders are co-morbid you can be fucked up and psychic at the same time. Though the way you describe it to me sounds like DID. Keep in mind that DID is not a stand alone disorder as well. Go get a diagnosis and then research it.
I’m like you, I hear stuff. I’m also psychic. I also cut myself and have severe mental disorders.
I am not going to argue with you about suicide, the thing here is that with people with more severe mental disorders usually have a higher rate of suicide. I tried a lot when I was your age. I only stopped for a while because I believed that either something was stopping me, or that there was a reason why I was here or both. Either way it wasn’t working so I gave up. Kinda ready to try again though.
Wow, all your comments are really interesting.
death4kisses – I sometimes think that all this is, is just some pathetic call for attention that I’m unknowingly doing. I always hide my cuts too, except that day I just felt like doing it on my arm..
Ruthy- I never thought about that. Psychic? My friend’s one, and she told me she senses I might be one too. She told me to try to see people’s auras, which I guess I can barley see, except I’m not sure if its just my eyes doing something weird or something else.
Udanna- I always feel that way! I’ve been so close to just doing it but I always felt something stopping me o__o It was so weird. I honestly wish I can go and get some actual help from a doctor, but my mom never took me when ever I asked.
Hey Snowy
It is not all about “seeing” Auras – I do not see them. Everyone’s gifts are different some see auras, some see clairvoyantly some are clairaudiant (hearing), clairentient (feeling). Everyone is different and specifically unique. Tell those ghosts that you are NOT stupid and you are NOT mentally ill and those voices will eventually leave.
Why is it that you would rather hear the ghosts that are negative rather than try and hear the voices that are positive? Snowy please think about it. It is a matter of cleansing your chakras and concentrating on the colors a bit of control breathing – honestly, it’s not hard at all. You know how many people would love (I was going to use the word kill) to have the ability you have?
How can i say this any clearer…
YOU DO NOT HAVE A MENTAL DISABILITY!!!!!
it is up to you
Love and light precious 🙂