  how pathetic am i? today i had some sort of panick attack in my socials class so i started sawing at my skin with a pen lid. that how desperate i am. it didn’t even cut. it just peeled back layers of skin until i got this weird not-even-bleeding patch on my arm. god, i’m a pathetic, worthless, waste of space on the face of this earth.
  one of the boys i was working with asked what i was doing and i relied all calmly “Trying to cut myself with a pen lid.” that prompted him to ask “Why?” I didn’t even have to think about my answer. “Because i can control the pain, i can make it stop whenever i want, but i can’t control life, that just keeps going no matter how much i want it to end.”
  he looked at me like i was a freak. i guess i am though. how many fifteenyear olds feel the need to start cutting in the middle of class. i almost went to the bathroom to use the teeth of the papertowel disposal thing.
  why can’t life just end?
4 comments
life CAN end, but jeez manyou can get diseases worse than death from cutting on random metal spiky things, especially in the bathroom..
But I feel like you a lot, except I can’t bring myself to cut… seems painful which is why i want a super quick death..soon
I used to be in a place where I would feel sick all the time, I’d cry for days in end and cutting took the focus off of what was really wrong. It’s about control, when life gets to be too much to handle you take things into your own hands and try to controlthe physical pain bc you can’t control the emotion pain. Life is the most precious gift. Sometimes it’s hard to see but it’s true…if anyone wants or needs to talk, email me at: chelseaperrus@yahoo.com Everyone deserves to enjoy life and be happy
im fifteen and once i tried to choke my self in pe no one even noticed until i turned blue. the pe teacher started yelling at me to cut it out and stop scareing everyone. i never did get that scarf back.
i refused to do PE because i knew the other girls would see my scars in the change room. i’m a swimmer so on a fairly regular basis i’m in a swimsuit. the only place i could cut was my stomach and hips. i have the word DIE carved into my stomach in two different places and then there are a bunch of X’s and just a few lines.
today i was stupid enough to cut my arm. they aren’t actually real cuts though. it’s what i call Ripping or Tearing. i just ripped the skin back until there was this gross pink layer of skin. i used a broken pop can tab, a pair of tweezers, a pen lid, and my pocket knife. i made another rip in Italian class on my thumb with a pen lid and then again in socials. now i’m stuck wearing a sweater all the time even if it is hot.