Wee bit of my crap life

Im 13, i live in britian in a country called scotland. A few years ago everything was amazing, i had my family and my friends i loved live. In 2007 is where everything started to get worse, one of my grandfathers passed away and three months later my other grandfather took a sudden heart attack and died. Then i started losing constantrition at school, i couldnt think, i didnt want to have friends. A few boys bullied me, id get called lots of names, when i started high school, everything was okay, i was poplaur, everyone seemed to really like me it was good i suppose, i started to drift away from everyone, im not really poplaur anymore, everyone seems to dislike me. I met this boy he was in my classes, we talked consantly through msn, non stop, we called each other bestfriends, we where unsepretable, his friends used to make fun of us, saying we where going out and stuff, we where really close, and i suppose we sort of acted as if we where, but we werent.. Then a few months ago we fell out. Everything came crashing down, everything. I dont care if people say “your 13 you cant love someone” i gurante when hes the reason i cry everynight, hes the thing i can never stop thinking about, when everytime i see him i just want to cry, that i do love him. Its been 3 months since ive had a proper conversation with him, and every day it gets harder, i miss him more, and more everyday. I think about how much easier it would be if i wasnt alive everyday, i think of ways that could stop me from hurting, but theres no ones that will ever work, nothing works. I started to self harm, not cutting but really bad sratches, they go red and swollen and i have marks that have been there for 2 months, that wont go away. Everyone looks at them.. I lie consantly. I lie to myself. I want a way out. I hate everything