October 11th, 2011 by jt

I came really close today.  I methodically loaded the gun.  Hands steady as I loaded it.  I wasn’t hesitating.  I really thought that i was going to go through with it.  It was almost like I was working in a trance.  Going through the rehersed motions.  I clicked the safety off and steeled myself to do it.  But I couldn’t pull the damn trigger.  I just couldn’t do it.  I looked around and sighed and realized I had failed again.  I really don’t understand what the fuck is going on.  My friends are jokes and my school is a synonym for misery.  The only solace I have ever gotten is when I drive my car.  Not really sure where I’m going with this anymore.  I don’t know whether it’s right or wrong to take your own life.  I do know that I have a right to pursue what I want.  Problem is I don’t even have half an idea of what that might be.

Ain’t that a *****?

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