I hate how I’m forced to go to religion school every Saturday. I’ve been an atheist for years, but my mom and siblings threw me in this school so I can ” become a true Christian”.
The only reason I stopped believing in God, was because I was ignored.
I used to pray and pray for help; help to stop cutting, help for my mom, help to become a normal functioning human being, not the piece of shit I am today.
But no, no matter how much I prayed, cried, begged: nothing. Everything got worse.
Maybe I was doing it wrong. I don’t know.
Every time I go to church now, I want to cry. I hate it.
I fucking hate it all.
4 comments
Been there with the praying thing, years ago I was a bad off concaine junkie, I couldn’t understand why a God wasn’t answering my prayers for help.
I’ve heard God has a couple of answers, Yes, No, maybe, not right now, and the worst is wait.
I finally got clean and sober, I had to surrender (accept) that I had a dis-ease.
I feel for you being in a Christian School when thats not your belief system.
Heck I don’t really know what to believe anymore.
If your a cutter, as a parent I would feel so helpless to save your life and would be trying anything ie; putting you in a school where I thought you might benifit.
Acceptance is the key to 90% of what life hands us, and 10% our response to it.
My serenity is directly proportional to the level of acceptance I have in life (in most instances).
Hang in there life changes, it gets different the older we get.
God shouldnt always be the one to answer your prays. :L try changing things for yourself insted of asking someone else to do it.
Agreed with skm but on a less. Direct way of sayin it
I was raised an aethiest. I was the minority – I would go to my friend’s houses for dinner and they would ask me if I’d like to say grace before the meal, and so I would say ‘grace’ and have no idea why everyone was laughing. The first (and only) time I ever went to church was when I was 7, and my baby-sitter took me because she was a christian. I was FUCKING TERRIEFIED. It was dark and all everyone was chanting hyms in a foreign language and they were all standing up and sitting down in unison, and they made me eat some stale bread, and it was claustrophobic and they all behaved like one person, like a brainwashed cult.
Weirdly, being 7 years old and yearning to fit in, I actually wished I were religious, like my friends, I just wanted to fit in and know what things like ‘saying grace’ meant.
Anyway, I’m not 7 anymore, so I got over it. And I hope you do too. If you have to go, just get it over and done with. Just go through the motions to make your family happy, and try not to take it all so seriously.