Just Want To Stop Everything..

October 23rd, 2011by xXcanthelpmyselfXx

I just want to fucking die. I hate myself so much by this point. I have no fucking reason to be sad, I have everything I could ever want and still I lay in bed wondering why I’m still here. I want to have a life, but I can’t keep going like this. I thought I was in bad shape before, it’s even worse now. Night terrors are waking me up every hour, Insomnia is keeping me awake until the point of complete and utter exhaustion, Depression is giving me crying spells, G.A.D is keeping me in my “safe places” which have been reduced to my boyfriend’s houses (either his mom’s or dad’s), my house, the bus stop, the school, and my car. I can’t hardly drive anymore for fear of having a panic attack on the road, or worse, possibly blacking out at the wheel. I feel cutting or worse… I’m reaching the end of my rope. I’ve been pushed to the point where I have to read quotes about not giving up just to get out of bed in the morning. I want to wake up, smile, and know I have a boyfriend who cares about me… But even saying that I’ve let him down… He proposed, I said yes, happily, and I can’t even call him my fiance for fear I’m going to leave him because I’m not strong enough. I don’t know why I’m typing all of this… I’m just a waste of time… I’m sorry. I don’t know who else to talk to about it… I don’t want to lose this battle…

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