You won’t read this.

Its that time. I’ve realized that there really is nothing left. The only reason I’m alive, is because I can’t afford an effective way to kill myself. But, do not worry, a couple more government checks and everything will be made right. I’ve decided to use Helium. It seems to be the most effective and considerate way. There is no danger to emergency responders or others who may come across my body. That is important to me. I don’t want to hurt anyone else with this. People with charmed lives will tell me that I will hurt the people that care about me. But, the two people who did, well lets just say I am not longer marrying one and the other isn’t my brother anymore. Not after what they did together.

I don’t know why I’m here on this site, perhaps its because I know there are people who frequent this site, so this will be read. Maybe, I’ll feel like someone will finally acknowledges my pain. Even if it is a stranger. As I registered for this site, I laughed aloud about it asking to change my default password.

Here are my last thoughts, shared with whoever wishes to read them:

I always loved you. I know I wasn’t the best brother, but I didn’t think I deserved this. I was happy. We were getting married. We knew what we would name our first child. I looked forward to you being his uncle. The things you could have taught him. He’d have a much stronger family life than we did. But, this was before I was shown how you really are. I always told people that no matter how sad I got, I would never kill myself. I wouldn’t because I had you. That is how important you were to me. No matter what happened, as long as I had my little brother, nothing could completely destroy me. I can tell you now, that is a true statement. Now that I don’t have you, there is no reason. This is the year where hope fails you. If there is someone up there watching over me, I hope he can forgive me.