At this point, I’m just trying to stay alive. This is what has been keeping me alive.

I had the idea quite awhile ago that I will get a tattoo to represent each thing that has saved my life and kept me alive. I already have my first tattoo, which is the beginning of this process. That way, when I look at the tattoo, I’m reminded of why I’m alive.
Here’s my list, starting with the bigger influences and moving on to the little things. Keep in mind that I come up with new ideas once in awhile.

1. Copper, my basset hound from when I was a kid. That dog was my baby, she passed away when I was 16. I have her name tattooed on my lower left leg.
2. My grandmother. Every time I was treated like shit by my parents, I ran to her and she reminded me that “this too shall pass.” Which is what I want to get tattooed on my back or my right shoulder blade. She also taught me how to sew, an art form that has kept me alive…
3. Art has kept me alive. I love anything to do with creating works of art, from drawing and coloring to sewing, fashion, painting, music, singing, playing instruments, sculpting, origami, writing, photography, filming, you name it.
4. I’ve played piano since 5th grade, I want to get a tattoo how piano and music has kept me going in life.
5. My favorite band, My Chemical Romance. Call me stupid for getting a tattoo of a band that may not be popular later, but I look at it like something that has kept me alive. I want to get this tattoo on my right foot or ankle.
(moving on to smaller stuff, not sure if I want to get tattoos of these)
6. Disney movies. just pop in an old princess movie in the VCR, and all of my problems go away for about 90 minutes. Right now, for the past 2 days I’ve been contemplating my suicide, when I put Beauty and the Beast in the DVD player. all of a sudden I forget everything. honestly its really only Disney movies (and similar animated movies like Shrek and Anastasia) that take me away. regular live-action movies don’t do that for me.)
7. One of my friends (won’t say his name on here) has talked me out of killing myself several times, on occasions where I’m on the verge of doing something drastic. I would just get his initials tattooed very small in a place I can hide easily, if I were to get that tattooed. I’m not sure.

That’s mostly it, for now. I can’t kill myself until I get a tattoo for each of these things, at least the major things.