Wow, i haven’t had a night like this in a while.
i try to suppress my depressive moods as much as i can these days, because i’m sure the people around me are sick of hearing about all my troubles. And because i do this, i often have a rather intense hour of crying and panic attacks and i find myself seriously considering suicide once every fortnight or so.
But tonight was different. I was in this intense state almost all night, fighting the strong urge to cut myself. I made a promise to someone every important that i would not do it anymore.
But unfortunatly this just is not working! I mean who is here to support me at 4am when i am crying and trying my hardest to not harm myself in someway, be in burn, cut or intentionally hit myself with an object. I need help with trying to cope with these urges and STRONG emotions.
And all it feels like to me is that i am being prevented from feeling better. I do not see whats wrong with self harm and i don’t understand why people say it is “unhealthy”. It keeps me sane!
I just need to cut myself, i need to relieve all the shit that has built up. But i can’t.
I feel so empty.
3 comments
if you need to cut then cut , no matter what you promised , you are going to damage yourself even more if you dont , however you promised im sure they wouldnt mind if they saw what not cutting was doing to you and the sleepless nights crying , try do what you need to do , think about yourself ,if cutting helps you then so be it nothing can change that
I think cutting is a “pressure relief valve”. Normies (earth people) don’t understand cutting and it scares them.
I don’t know what they are taught at college Dr’s, yet I can see where ceratainly some cutters get to a point the simple cuts aren’t working fro tham anymore, and they move to more serious injuries (to get that fix).
The insane seldom see their own insanity in their actions. so it stands to reason that you see no harm in self harm.
The way we look at things we are doing to our selves changes or can change over time.
These experiences in your life now, ………… years later may be something to be of great help to others.
I cut myself for most of high school, I am 24 and still have the scars, but they are pretty pale now. I started with fine little razor cuts, but cut bigger and deeper until they were a quarter inch wide. They had a hard time healing and would crack open and bleed again, but I got satisfaction from that, sometimes.
I stopped because I hoped to one day be able to wear a swimsuit. My cuts were on my upper thighs, like big tiger stripes but a lot less pretty. I still don’t wear swimsuits, they’re not faded enough yet. Awkward family vacation. 🙂
I quit cutting in high school by becoming an exercise junkie, and then in college I drank and smoked to abuse myself. Rough sex helps, too, find someone who will pull your hair. Alternatively, get in a car, drive somewhere secluded, and scream until you feel better. If you are in decent shape, there is NOTHING like running really hard to get a similar feeling. Better, cause it’s your whole body.
Hope that helps. By the way, cutting yourself is actually fairly common among people who seek psychiatric help for anything, be it bipolar, depression, ocd, etc. If you have a mental health issue, odds are decent you’ve experimented with self-harm.