Call me a damsel in distress. Call me a baby.
But I just can’t stand going to sleep at night, with out knowing someone is there for me. I get so depressed, I need someone there. Some nights I’m ready to scream.
I have friends, but they can’t always be there. I’ve had boyfriends, but I don’t have anyone atm who can stand by me.
I can be strong during the day. But in the middle of the night, that’s when things come back to haunt me.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
11 comments
WEll, to begin with, you’re not damsel in distress, or a baby…
We’re social beings…we need one another.
So–what would you like to talk about?
(I myself, I like the night…and early morning…when the common world goes to sleep, and an entirely new world awakes…
It can be as vibrant as Los Angeles on New Years’ Eve, or as quiet as a silent suburbia, where there’s one light on in one home out of dozens…
And it’s yours–and the world is yours.)
But that’s just me. 🙂
What about you–tell me about yourself, a bit, or whatever you wish to talk about…
It’s just past midnight here–so I’ll be up a while.
I can be here. 🙂
Yeah its wayyy past midnight here too.
Luckily this isn’t one of those nights where I’m so depressed I’m ready to scream.
I have to work in the morning, but I don’t care if I stay up late, I’ll be tired anyway, lol.
Sure, I have the time and freedom during the night, I’m just not sure if I want it.
Why not?
(Why are you so depressed, if I may ask, when you are?)
I guess at night I’m just given the opportunity to reflect on what happened earlier in the day and in my life. I don’t like it.
Nights have always been hard for me too. I used to wake up certain someone was in the house with me, or creeping around outside, ready to come inside and hurt me. Or afraid there was going to be a big earthquake and the house would collapse on me and kill me. Or the fire in the hills would spread to my neighborhood and catch my house on fire and I would burn to death. Now, I wake up in the middle of the night and I’m sure I’m dying… my heart’s beating too fast, my breathing isn’t right, I’m having a stroke or something. Or I wake up worrying about one of my kids, thinking they are depressed or suffering because of something I didn’t do or did do. I’m all alone and scared and I can’t sleep and I’m sure I am the only person awake in the whole city, county, state, country, world. I used to turn on the TV and then, as soon as it started getting light outside, I could allow myself to fall asleep because then I knew the paper delivery man would be coming soon and then other people would be awake and it would be safe for me to let down my guard and close my eyes and rest. I am so exhausted from worrying all the time. I want to shut it off but I can’t.
@hollywood1919:
Well, what do you have to reflect on?
I’ll admit, I like reflecting on life.
But maybe you don’t have things you wish to reflect on…
Which is fine, but usually, reflection is an important step towards clearing those cobwebs away for good.
In any case…
@hollywood191+hbmom:
What if you tried reflecting on something that you find comforting, or interesting, or just something totally aesthetic, with no real tragic connections or implications?
Something that’s utterly superficial, and thus, safe.
Oscar Wilde used to praise such pure aesthetics and idleness, just an idling mind…not asleep, not awake, but just dwelling on, say, the color green…just thinking of things that are green, and in five minutes, you’re already asleep, or else deeply engaged in solving the age old question of just WHO would win in a fight, the Jolly Green Giant or The Incredible Hulk? 😉
(I kid with the Giant/Hulk bit, but that’s just how stream-of-consciousness works…so maybe set a course for a stream of consciousness that’s non-threatening and light, so you can go to sleep before it’s light?
You can start to over-think and over-stress at every sound if you’re totally attentive to everything around you, and the night only heightens that sensation; we as humans depend quite a bit–most of us–on our sight, so when it’s night, and that vital sense is restricted by the darkness, it can be quite disconcerting, as the other senses strain to give an adequate, comforting picture…
And sometimes try so hard they overdo it, and the imagination can run wild.
So why not just set your imagination to simple, harmless, meaningless things, and then, perhaps, sleep and peace will be easier?)
I just reflect on things that I’m tired of reflecting on.
I need better distractions. The few things that make me happy now, I don’t want to grow bored of them. I have ADHD and depression so I tend to lose concentration or get bored of stuff easily.
Sorry my answers are kind of short. This is just everything in a nutshell
Nights are hard for me too. Since I don’t have any friends, I watch all types of interesting documentaries on YouTube. I have even found some really great ones on afterlife research and reincarnation that were amazing. Maybe since you work during the day, you can use your nights to do things you’re interested in. To keep your mind off of your problems. This way, whenever your friends are busy, you will have your own things to do that keep you occupied and content. Just a thought anyway.
Feel you there – night seems to be when you’re sitting in you’re home, it’s dark outside, most are asleep. Yet there you are, sitting, thinking, reflecting. I’ve had some bad experiences with dwelling on the past and reflecting – even if it was simply earlier that day.
Distractions slowly cease to work, and you’re stuck with your own thoughts again.
I can also easily empathize with the need for someone. Someone to talk with, be there when you need or want them, etc. Really put the “SIGNIFICANT” in significant partner.
I guess you could say, eh the past is the past – no changing. Really is no worth to thinking about it, though that’s easier said then done. But really, I’m sure you can find a humorous memory or fun day or anything, small it can be. Just to keep your mind of things that you’d rather not reflect on.
As for someone – you’ll find someone to stand by you and give support. And though, as you say, friends can’t always be available – but know they’re there when possible and most can be good support too.
Heck, maybe just try to grab some sleep or watch something humorous.
I usually don’t sleep too much, or at least didn’t. But that one day you get some good ol’ sleep, you’ll actually feel a bit different in the day. Not physically having to drag yourself around.
Anyhow, I wish you luck on getting something better on your mind other than those darn reflections and find night more bearable. And on finding that someone.
I know exactly how you feel… how does the saying go? birds of a feather flock together….
I wish that i was ther when you posted this, on christmas eve i was awake, just wanted to say that we are here for you. Even in the day.