I Need To Do Something Radical

December 11th, 2011by valnik

I am tired of my “What if…” scenarios which go through my head every minute of my life. If not to kill myself (which isn’t as easy as one probably thinks), I often consider running away from my home to a country with warmer climate and becoming homeless there. I hate the pressure on my back during the whole day. I don’t want to study college, have a job or business. I get angry even when playing PC games (because I hate losing), so there’s no pure “comfort escape” for me. If only I could somehow “connect” to the game and be killed there. One burst of bullets through my head and the rest of the magazine to my body, just to make sure.

I am afraid that being homeless wouldn’t “cure” me from this neither. But it would be at least a bit of change from this stereotype and I would have plenty of time to think “about the whole universe”, not being distracted by instant pleasures from PC and my fridge, nor the threats like schoolwork and studying. I would have to do some dumpster diving or I would die by starvation.

The actual method of suicide I am considering is hanging. Nothing is 100% death but I think this is a “classic one” which worked for many people. Only to find a strong thing to hang on and carry my weight, good rope and a place which won’t be explored at least for one week since my attempt, to make sure if I don’t die immediately, then after a few days when other factors would be included (such as thirst or hunger).

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