Let me introduce myself…

I want people on here to understand me little bit more. My name is Amber King, I live in a small town called Twentynine Palms. It is located in California. I have 4 little brothers and sisters, and two dogs. I only have three real fears. The big one is loved ones dying. I hate people I love not being her. The second one is me getting hurt emotionally. No I’m not scared of me dying. I welcome it. I can’t wait for it actually. Now with the whole me getting hurt, even though Im not scared of death, I know the more emotionally hurt I am the more I want to kill myself, and if I kill myself that would hurt my Mom. That’s what stops me from doing anything. The third one, my thoughts. Ahh yes my thoughts scare me. Now when I explain this one, I haven’t told anyone, everyone Is gonna think I’m insane forsure. I have thoughts of killing people, thats normal, I think everyone has thought of killing someone. But I think of killing my family. Ironic huh? I wanted to kill them all in their sleep, even the dogs, then kill myself that way I won’t get introuble and I wont be hurting my Mom mentally. I think about this often. Now one time I had the knife in my hand. Crazy. That’s just one type of thoughts I have. I also think of stepping in front of cars just to die and that stuff. I’m insane. Even though people I talk about this too don’t think so, I do, because I have never been able to tell anyone half as much as I want to. That’s why when I found this site, I felt like it could help me get everything down slowly but surely. Now I have a pretty clean past, I’m still a virgin and only smokers weed once, don’t drink and got caught stealing once. Really nothing big. I still get whatever I want. If I want a new phone, I get it. Always been this way. Still I always have frustration building up inside me, at random times I want to punch a wall. This is where I think I’m bi pilot. Or have split personalitys, I can be happy as can be then like a switch getting turned on, I’m sad and on the verge of killing myself, then I’m angry for no reason. My mom says that it’s bi polor aNd I also think that but maybe it’s more, split personality. I’m a follower amazingly enough, I follow a few different crowds I try not to be a follower, but I think that’s what I am. Now I honestly think a lit of my frustration Is because of my Mom, she is so over protective. She reads my text messages, knows my passwords for almost every site I go on, and she has to know everything bout me. I don’t mind telling her things, but if she knows before I tell her, why even talk to her. And she thinks that every parent does this. I can’t text someone with out her reading it and asking questions about it. This is a little bit about me, maybe people can understand me a little more. I get so frustrated writing bout it to where I have to stop.
Buh bye,