Why do you turn good, innocent things into wrong, into sin? Â Why do you have to fuck with my mind to the point that even happiness causes me to want to pull the trigger? Â I should not have to deal with this. Â You tell me you treat me like an adult, but I have to wait until you’re long asleep to do what I want, without you looking over my shoulder. Â And as a parent you are supposed to help me through life, be there for me when no one else is, give me advice. Â But no you slap this nonsense religion in my face and expect it to solve all my problems. Â What if I don’t believe? Â What would you do?
I wish you would just hit me already, give me a black eye. Â Because no one can see this kind of abuse. Â It may as well not even exist. Â Then they would know. Â They would understand why I can’t deal with my life. Â They would understand my pain. Â But you wouldn’t, not unless I provoked you to do so. Â And then when I do move away? Â Will I be happier? Â Will you still control my life? Â Will I let you?
1 comment
Interesting question that, “Why do you hate me?” considering your bio on here reads “Smart girl. Has the world to live for. Unfortunately hates herself.” So really if you truly hated yourself why would you even question other peoples hatred of you. Honestly though from reading your posts I don’t get a sense of you hating yourself. If anything it seems like you have a decent amount of self esteem, seems like there are things you like about yourself, and you feel like you deserve better treatment from other people then you get. Nonsense religion, you losing your faith? Thats good, maybe less belief in a nonsense religion will mean less nightmares about burning in hell.
Good questions about when you move away, will you be happier, will you actually be able to break free of your parents control, will you be able to move away at all? It must be at least somewhat scary to contemplate breaking away from their control when they have been so domineering. Sounds like you haven’t really been prepared very well for trying to live on your own. Since they don’t let you make many decisions for yourself. Hopefully you will be happier though, doesn’t really sound like it could make you any unhappier at least.