I have had many thoughts on killing myself and many tries. On the outside it seems as if i have to perfect life. Parents that love me, a sister who is there for me and a brother who fights for our country. No, the real inside thing is i have  divorced  parents who hate each other so much they don’t even talk to each other about whats wrong with me. A sister who thinks i cutt and think about suicide for attention.  A brother who left me to deal with my whole family by myself.  I have begged for help. Told them about my cutting. Yet everyday i get the urge to just say fuck it and fuck them and leave. I get told i am selfish for wanting to die. I can’t help how i feel. Being an anxiety person like i am, i freak out about a lot.  When i was younger i use to give myself anxiety attacks just because i was scared i would turn out to be an alcoholic like my mother.  Throughout my whole life i have been forced to grow up  and know exactly what i want. All my life i have had to be there for people. Now its there time to be there for me…
No point in living, hard to just get up in the morning, having no one who understands how you feel. I broke my arm severely when i was 9 and thats when i found out i was severely depressed by my therapist. Â Everyone thought this was an accident, little did they know..
4 comments
I understand
that sucks. you know there will be times when people will be there for you
What’s ironic is you don’t die…you have a transition, or a shift, but people close to you are the ones who experience the death or the absence of your being. Something to think about.
Do you care about you? That’s what’s most important. What’s most important is that you understand how YOU feel. It’s not a prerequisite of life to be able to completely relate and understand everyone else. It’s a challenge to trust one’s own individual experience.
Base your happiness on the fact that you honor your experience and let it be! There’s almost 7 billion people on the planet having a different experience…it’s all good!
Your anxiety….fear is about the future…it hasn’t happened yet, and all we can be is in the moment. F.E.A.R….stands for false evidence appearing real. It doesn’t exist unless you want it to…and ultimately you are creating it. What would happen if you let it go, let the past go, how you were. You are here now…the best place to be. Good luck!
despite what ur family acts like they do infact care for you. Not everyone understands the problem of depression they dont understand that people can be so depresed that they want to die. U need someone to care? to help u through this? well thats y we here. we can be the emotional support you need and if u need someone specific i’m here just email me (real-foudy@hotmail.com) and remenber what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. Once you get through this, once u start seeing the good in life u will apreciate it all the more because u know the bad u stood and stared all the shit stuff down and u lived.
U Survived