Before I was addicted. I mean, I couldn’t bare the thought of a day without it. I was so locked onto it.
Now.. It’s strange. I hate myself when I don’t do it – I hate myself when I do.
Maybe I’m just expecting for something more to happen.
I’v become numb to the pain of blood pouring from my arms and legs.
I need something new. Something different.
Something to make me feel. Anything.
4 comments
How do you feel about the scars?
One of the things that attracted me in the first place to self harm was the scars. And if I’m being honest it still does.
When I don’t have scars on my body. Fresh ones I mean I feel very.. Exposed?
When I was cutting twice a day over Summer 2011 I used to cut until I felt.. But I also used to arrange them into an order so they would look better.
Not better as in hidden But as if I were doing interior design or art or something. I find them very very beautiful.
When I was in care they wanted to help me with my SH but I explained to them it wasn’t in reaction to pain or if felt depressed/suicidal. I wasn’t one day just going to cut too deep to try and kill myself. I just loved it.
I t was a hobby. Even more really it was something I adored doing and lookng and spending all my time on. It’s more of an art in my opinion. For me anyway.
i’v wrote things such as fat and whore and slut. I drawn a butterfly as well once. And a few broken hearts too.
Ive drawn hearts.. broken hearts, words. Stuff like that.