A friend of mine told me something exstremly offencive. She said” Depresssed people are kinda stupid like if you want to be happy then just put a smile on your face and stop moping around like if you have an uncorible deseise”. I need to know if that is how most people feel about depression beause that is not at all how i see it. My mother smoked cocain her entire life. She smoked until she litterlly lost the “happy part of her brain” (im not sure what its medical name is). She smoked once when pregnant with me and I was born with no “happy part”. So I’m stuck walking around with a half ass smile on my face to hide the fact that I am dying inside. Now to know that people think depressed people should get over,stop faking,and put a smile on there face literally makes me want to blow my brains out.I wish I could wake up and put a real genuin smile on my face,but i fucking can’t. I try my best and i guess it’s not good enough
I don’t want to live anymore. I want t end my pain. I don’t want to wake up and pretend to be happy. How can you wake up if you don’t sleep. I have only slept about 5 hours between Saturday and today. Sleep used to be my favorit place but my reality sucks so much that my dreams are becoming nightmares. I don’t feel like living this pointless life anymore. It’s a boring stupid life. It has no meaning and no purpose. It’s going by so fast. I sit and stare at walls for what seems like minutes but was truly hours. I feel like i’m stuck in a hole and I can’t get out. Like the more i try the father I fall. I don’t know what to do anymore. My life went from wake up, cyberschool,eat,watch tv,spend time with my mom,ocasionaly hang out with the only friend i have to sitting and staring at a wall 24 of my day. I don’t even bother with cyber school anymore. I log in for 2 seconds just to get credit for the day.
I can’t get him out of my mind he was all i had and he hurt me. He made me love him just to hurt me. I wait for hours by the phone hoping and praying that he will text or call. That he will say he cars. That he will pick me up and take me away from here i can’t take it. These same four walls day in and day out. I feel like i’m going insane.
I have decided how to kill myself. I haven’t decided when but i know how. I want to jump from a bridge. Not into water but onto highway. It has to be a high brige. Im going to do it soon. I have nothing to live for.I haven’t seen the outside world in 6 days i stay stuck behind these four walls because theres nothing out there for me.
I feel suficated chocking i cant breath. It hurts to live. I want to die so badly. But I cant fuck it up because if I mke one mistake to the hospital I go. I cant think dtraight,cant see straight. Im rambling it happens when i think to much and sleep to less. Don’t tell me to talk to a theripist because I can’t if I do she will send me away for sure
I’m so tired physically and mentally
I just want to sleep,for good.
35 comments
Hello,
I don’t think we have had the pleasure of meeting. But was interested in your comment about being this way since birth. I’m not arguing whether this is possible or not, as I have a similiar experience, just wondering how you know you were born without “a happy part”. I started seeing new pscyh myself. I saw her for the second time yesterday. She asked me if I knew how the depression started, and I just laughed. You see I have never experienced any type of mania…just depression and anxiety, and I describe my depression as down and downer…lol…there is no up. She asked me how I knew and I told her that it was common knowledge. Everyone knows that I was born miserable and they tell me frequently. I am one of 5 children and the only one to suffer like this…..so no drug use involved…not by my mom anyway.
That being said, I also know what it is to feel such deep loss and betrayal, unfortunately many many times. I had to learn to love myself in order to learn to love someone else. I know sounds trite. But it’s the truth. I went from being needy in relationships to being needed in relationships. I would like to know more about your situation if you wouldn’t mind. Still looking for some of my own answers I’m afraid….the cyber school of life never ends. The other thing that helped was helping others when I could and avoiding others when I can’t.
If you want to talk to your therapist about it, just make sure you say you have suicidal ideations and don’t admit to being suicidal unless you’re scared. That way you can maybe talk about the feelings without fear of incarceration. I did it myself yesterday and am still at my desk talking to you. Just a suggestion. A way to get the help without toooo much help.
Find your passion….whether it is growing something, creating something, caring for others, music, anything that helps you to ground and grow. Also I am not sure as I don’t know your age….but I found that hormonal fluctuations esp during the teens made everything 10X tougher. Anything there?
Let me know if I can help
Namaste
Amakua
For starters – you friend was very insensitive when talking about depression. But it’s not surprising – most people are ignorant when it comes to something they can’t understand or have no experience with – they “hear” the word “depression” but define it as “sad” … although “sad” is a symptom of depression – it is NOT the totality of it – cut your friend a little slack – perhaps send him/her a link to what REAL depression is. Unfortunately, a lot of people are ignorant about depression.
Now – lets have a little reality check here – your mom did not smoke cocaine her “entire life” … that statement is just false – you know that …. don’t be over dramatic … it’s just not necessary here. She may have some brain damage if has has abused the drug for a long time but I highly doubt you were “born without the happy part” – unless you have an actual diagnosis from a medical professional – that said, I’m not say there may not be some residual affect of her smoking coke while pregnant – but you can’t just assume what those affects are.
If you life has changed – it’s because you ARE letting it be changed – you are CHOOSING to trade your normal life for your obsession with a boy who you freely admit HURTS you … and then you want to give HIM the power to HURT you to DEATH.
No one can FORCE another person to like you in a way they don’t want to – you don’t have that power – no one does. But you CAN force yourself to do your school work – 2+2 does NOT require a smile, it just requires an answer – the more things you do that do NOT involve the guy who HURT you, the more time and distance you will have between your breakup to gain a different perspective – if you are not going outside it because YOU are CHOOSING to not go outside.
Now – all that said – you CAN see a therapist – you just can’t give the therapist the impression that you are a danger to yourself or others – many people see therapists and don’t get “sent away”. you can learn some useful tools and coping methods to help you work through your depression – if you CHOOSE to.
But with some things – it IS as SIMPLE as an honest CHOICE.
dawg
Sweetie, people who say things like that about depression are extremely uneducated about it. If anything, feel sorry for your friend’s lack of knowledge, and not for anything that’s out of your control (your depression).
My dad’s the same way. Some people never learn no matter how many times you try to explain it. If your friend is like that, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give her another chance. Just change the way you think about her.
Remember. Nothing you’ve ever done was your fault. You did not bring this misery upon yourself, you didn’t ask for it, and you certainly didn’t want it. Even if you think anything was your fault, it isn’t. And it’s not your fault that he left you. It’s his. He wasn’t good enough for you. Nuff said.
@Amakua2309 I know because the doctors, therapists,and psychiatric give me pill on top of pill on top of pill and tell me here take this it will help you to produce more serotonin so that you can be more happy because your brain doesn’t produce enough of it. I have been in therapy since i was 8 I have been told many times that there’s something not right in my head.
I haven’t got to the loving myself part yet its to hard.I’m not needy its just the dude begged me to go back out with him and when I said yes he broke my heart and so i dumped him but when I did he never explained to me why he did what he did and i miss our friendship a lot he was my best friend so i don’t want him back as a boyfriend i just want my friend back.
What more do you want to know?
I will try to talk to my therapist i guess but i”m not tell her nothing of my suicidal thoughts because i don’t want to be sent away
I am 16 btw
@dawg She smoked crack from age 14 to age til she got pregnant at age 17 then she started again at age 19 and stopped at age 34 a year after giving birth to me. When she talks about it she always say “I smoked crack my whole life” her words not mine. I was medically diagnosed with depression,anxiety,and ocd. I literally don’t produce serotonin (my mom said that’s what its called) i just call it happy part.
I don’t go outside because i have no friends,my mother does nothing but sleep all day (I’m not being dramatic she stays in her room 23 and a half hours a day and when shes not in her room shes arguing with me),its cold out,and there’s really nothing to outside. I live in reading pa you probably haven’t heard of it but its the poorest, ugliest,most boring “city” in the world (lol)
He is the one who liked me but i don’t care if he likes me I just want my friend back.
I will see my therapist next month as always but I’m not telling her my suicidal thoughts.
@Epiphany Thank you
I told my friend about the reasons why I am depressed and he said he was sorry for making me feel bad and he didn’t mean to be as harsh as it came out
I defiantly didn’t want to be born like this but I was and i have to find a way to deal with it i know staring at walls,cutting,and not sleeping are not the answer but i just cant seem to find the answer. That’s what brought me here. To help me find my answers
He didn’t leave me he left me as a friend that’s why I am upset because he was my best friend and then he broke my heart with no explanation so i dumped him and now I just really miss our friendship but I n=know its not my fault he had to ruin a good thing :c
Well now….whole new kettle of fish that….lol
Yes I understand seratonin, and dopamine and all the other brain chemicals and hormones and have played guinea pig for the docs for the last 35 years…and none of them work….had anxiety and panic disorder in early 20’s and 30’s and the tranqs worked great for that…that being said…i can’t take most prescription medications…they don’t work the way they are supposed to and often the side effects are very unpleasant. When they tried the anti-depressants….well…overdosed on the lowest dosage….which doesn’t make sense if seratonin or lack of is my issue….being an SSRI….so have had to do most of this without the drug net…lol
Just wondering if any of this is true for you as well…since the drugs don’t seem to give you any relief either. Do you suffer from any other symptoms besides the depression? Most people when they think of depression are drawing from their own experience…you know…i was feeling kinda depressed…blue…whatever….that is not what I am talking about….and I get the feeling you aren’t either. Like I said….down and downer.
I know exactly where Reading is…lol…across the big pond in Ontario here and as I suspected….a teen with the hormones on top of everything else….just been through the other big change myself….hormones all over the place…lol…can cry for days….don’t know where the water comes from eh?….and then it will just stop….and I am left feeling empty….now i know to take advantage of the emptiness I create….I fill it with better things. simple.
It is just my opinion…but I find that people who suffer the most have the most to offer….if they can just get outside their own pain for a moment.
Sorry about your friend….my partner of 9 years and friend for 15…left in September….I can relate….but….I worked through and processed my own feelings and only gave the best to him when we had to communicate for any reason…mail for him etc….I wanted his friendship more than anything….and if I may brag a wee bit….things are going well there…..just had to quit expecting him to fix me….had to have something to offer him too.
Namaste
Amakua
@Amakua2309
I have tried 18 pills threw out my whole life i ripped up the prescription for a new pill right in front of my psychiatrist and told him to shove it. I was sick of the aweful side affects too. Some of them to unpleasant to discuss. I have overdosed before, but it was by choose.
I have loads of other symptoms. I’m not just like sad its like more then that.
-tired all the time
-cant concentration
-bad insomnia
-i get frustrated and angry easily( due to my ead (explosive anger disorder)
-suicidal thoughts and attempts (of course)
-um i get a lot of like pains in my back, i get super bad headaches
-I get bad like stomach pains
-I cry fro no reason
I tell this to the doctors a lot so I know it off the top of my head.
Yea teenage hormones make everything worse.Yup that’s me tears for no reason then the empty feeling comes.
I like that idea but what do you mean “better things”?
The thing about him is I want to be his friend but he wants more. So he hurts my feelings and then comes crawling back into my life begging for me to take him back so on one hand I’m waiting for his text telling me he misses me and wants me back but on the other hand I feel that I have to let it go because we can’t just be friends anymore and I can’t keep letting him brake down my wall and rip my heart after i get the strength to put everything back together.
i do not think that depression is stupid, or anything like that… i also dont sleep. well becuz im scared of my dreams… when i tell people this they always say “there just dreams, there not real” but in my mind they are real, and the more i have these dreams the more i cant handle them. the more i dont want to sleep.
stay strong and hang in there, your not alone.
Hey Hun,
Gotta come up with a name to call you….your nic is tooooo long for the likes of me? Any suggestions? Maybe shewolf?…Let me know.
So sorry….have to go deal with an issue for an hour or two…but will be back on later. Now I really want to talk to you. hmmmm
Promise a better explanation and comment on your comment when I get back.
We have very similiar situations I believe even the physical. Strange…
I’ll be back
Amakua
@morgan Thanks
I have insomnia and sleeping pills make it worse i hate it lol
My dreams are just my life so i cant escape the real world even in my sleep
I’m trying nut its hard
@Amakua2309 Yea you can call me she wolf lol
Ok, talk to you later
@thegirlwhocryedwolf
yah. what i do to escape reality it i read fiction books. becuz most time there always better then the real world. it lets me escape for a bit. it is sad when you come back to reality, but it is a good break
@Morganen
I have no liberary card and i dont even know where the library is or if i could walk there.i read books online when i come across interesting ones. But that’s the thing i get into them i become the characters in the book just to get away from life and then when i come back to reality i feel sad because i remember that my life is nothing like the charters in the book and that my realist is terrible.
@thegirlwhocryedwolf
yes i know…
Just stay strong. Life sucks, I know. Try not to become dependent on other people for happiness in the future. That doesn’t mean “don’t get close to people”, but just be more careful. If he won’t be your friend anymore, try to think of any warning signs you might have seen so you can stop it from possibly happening again with someone else. Take the lessons you’ve learned, and grow from the pain.
You have to find what you’re looking for within yourself. I know it sounds cheesy, but maybe you should try writing a list of anything you, or your friends like about yourself. Then when you feel shitty maybe you’ll be able to think about all of the positives? Just a thought.
@Epiphany
We kind of became dependent on each other. We talked all the time and help each other with our problems. But we are no good together. Neither of us is capable of being in a relationship at this point in our lives. But I don’t know how to get our friendship back,If its at all possible at this point. I have been debating on whether to text him or not but it seems like it would be a bad idea.
I like that idea and at this point i am willing to try anything because what i have been trying hasn’t been working. so thank you for that little tip. It will be hard to think of things i like about myself but i have to try and think positive if i’m going to save myself and get myself out of this hole.
@Shewolf,
sorry took longer than i thought….too many issues sometimes…lol.
Personally I would text him if you’re able. But keep it simple…something like…hope you’re okay…wish you the best….just wanted you to know I’m working on me. Or something similiar…you know …no strings or love talk etc. If I had to guess I would say he is several years older than you…but I’ve been wrong before. When you say he is pressuring you….what for?…and no there are more things in this world besides sex….that’s why I’m asking.
I found that the things that have helped me the most are my strong will(read stubborn), some very good books (The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz) and understanding the nature of a spiritual crisis.
The happy part you refer to may be the same as my happy part….I don’t know….I am not a doctor. For me it is an imbalance between the amygdala and the anterior cingulate. These are brain parts….lol…that control anxiety and the subsequent depression. Google the connection between the two and see what you can find out. Also the most important thing that helped was people like you and the others on this site. Talking is always more preferential than action.
If I had to guess….you are probably of well above average intellect, and if you are anything like me….sorry…wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy…you want to always know and understand WHY? WHY? WHY? Me I just started answering some of my own questions. Made my own Why’s. This is my belief system….what saves me over and over and over again….and no religion here….not now….not ever. Do you know anything about Gnosis? And the final thing that saved me…my psychiatrist ordered a past life regression therapy session. Now I actually have some understanding of how I came into this lifetime as miserable as I am….I was a suicide in my most recent incarnation.
Let me know if I have confused you…lol
Amakua
Aw. You sound a lot like my ex and I now. Him and his whole family pretty much alienated me, but I helped him so much. It’s called co-dependence, and it sucks.
Good luck with your list. I hope it helps.
@Amakua
I’m going to I just have to get up the courage and be strong enough to handle it if he doesn’t text back
Ya your right he is 19 and I’m 16.
See this is were people get confused and i will keep it as short as possible because its a pretty long story but pretty much:
He is my best friends boyfriends,James’s, brother,nick. We have never met We were texting/calling buddies for a year. He was always to busy to meet me. Then one day he called me his girlfriend. I decided that maybe if we were a couple he would actually make an effort to meet me. So months went on and i fell in love with him. So i decide it was best that we break up because I was sick of him leading me on. Then he texted me and of course asked for sex,i am a virgin and not a slut, but since i thought he was joking i played along. Then he said “No babe, I’m being serious. Meet me at jasmines (my best friend who lives 3 blocks away from me) in an hour. I was supper hurt because after all the time and energy I put into a relationship with him the only time he tried to make an effort was when he wanted to use me for sex. So i cussed him out,then later apologized,then deleted his number(pssh it doesn’t matter because i know it by heart) and am now trying to delete him from my life but i want him in my life so badly. Another thing is I’m a paranoid person and sometimes think people are trying to mess with me (i was bullied a lot as a kid Its usually hard for me to trust people) But nobody has met James or nick or well lots of jasmine “hot” guy friends. So i sometimes think shes playing a joke but then i think why play the joke for this long.It wouldn’t even be funny anymore.
I will look into that stuff
The thing about talking it out is I’m the type of person who keeps it all inside because i feel like people will judge me or call me names. I also don’t tell jasmine alot of things because I am afraid she will get sick of me and leave me like many others have.
Yes, i don’t want to sound cocky but i am pretty smart lol.
Thanks lol I’m not into the religious stuff i got some things to deal with in that area of life to haha
I know why i am miserable i am angry I want an apology from many people
-My dad did drugs an beat me from a young age my mom was to busy working to see
-my mom kicked my dad out and i only saw him once a month from ages 5-10
-i went to a white school I’m Hispanic with a darkish complexion i was taunted and tortured i was beat up spit at push kick. There was a boy Samuel who would beat me up everyday after school while kids watched and cheered and parents turned a blind eye as if nothing was happening (that is were i got my low self asteam)
-nobody ever defended me no one ever help
-My brothers would beat me up for no reason
-my oldest brother got mad at me because i wanted to go outside he pushed me into a statue of a Chinese man the statue cracked in half and i have back problems for the rest of my life
-my mom never protected me and she just wont say sorry
-she let her boyfriend hit me and then she would tell me to learn how to respect
-she treat everyone better then me
-my dads never there he got clean got a new family and hes always to busy at worlk (hes a fucking consular who cant see the gigantic scars and the cry’s for help written all over his daughter)
-nobody ever cared about me
-i started cutting at 11 and nobody noticed till i was 15 (i didn’t even bother hiding them)
those are just a few of the reasons why i am fucked up and even though i know why it doesn’t help. I wanted help and no one was there until i took a bottle of aspirin and was legally dead for 2 minutes. They acted as though they cared but when that was over it went back to normal me being alone and sad and no one noticing.
Whoa now that was venting lol felt kinda good
sorry that its so long
@Amakua and now his bro James is begging me to talk to him because hes listening to depressing music and saying that hes turning gay (he was already bi)
oh and me an my mom just got in an argument and she told me to go kill myself ….. im so fucked up i swear
Hang on shewolf, typing as fast as I can….hold on….it’s coming
Amakua
Okay,
In my opinion you have dodged a rather big bullet…you are very smart…smarter than me….would you like to hear what will happen if you give in?….Ignore them….threats and such are just another way to manipulate you into something you didn’t agree to. It’s not personal….so don’t take it personal….the guy can’t think past the end of his prick…..period….he can’t even see you….not the real you….he only sees his conquest of the prized virgin.
This is why I suggested the text i did….let him know that you are over him….even if you’re not….the truth is you don’t know him….only who he pretended to be to get what he wanted…..what you actually have to get over is the ideal or fantasy you created….you wanted….you needed. Sorry….I feel your pain and loneliness. But this guy isn’t the answer….trust me.
That is quite a story…but I can relate….from my own experience as well as through my youngest daughter. She is bi-racial and was the only child of colour in her many schools until high school. She is still dealing with it and her own lack of personal identity. Her father was a rapist and con man….he has spent no time with her…although because of his culture….the check is always in the mail….but he calls her maybe 6 times a year and spends maybe 2 hours in her company per year. I also have dealt with abandonment issues from a slightly different perspective. Longer story. My daughter’s father has a new family as well….and she has several half-siblings around the world…lol…but the new family he has finally settled with…well it’s not sitting too well with her. I also suffer from the physical effects of multiple childhood and adult traumas. A physical train wreck for sure….lol.
Please try to understand that if people aren’t there for you….it isn’t about you….it’s themselves and their own pain and confusion that keeps them from seeing the real you. Besides they just aren’t the same kind of smart as you. Truth. When you first attempted…I’m sure that everyone around you was attentive and hyper-vigilant…but as time goes on….they slowly return to normalcy…and are usually advised to…lol…oh yeah and themother probably has more than her share of guilt…is she abused as well?…just wondering.
About the religion stuff? What religion stuff. Will talk about it if you would like. Was raised Christian but understand most belief systems.
Give yourself a big hug….you done good….seriously dodged a bullet here. Any idea what you want to do next?…..even if it seems impossible or crazy…curious.
Blessed Be
Amakua
I asked his brother why it had to be me to text him we aren’t even speaking he never answered so when he gives me a valid reason why i have to be the 1 to be there for his bro he can tell me but until then i honestly don’t have much to say to him. I think that nick thinks by making his threats to turn gay and being depressed I’m going to just take him back or fuck him. I’m really not like that at all.
I still would like to meet him at least once in my life i don’t want anything from him but just to see if i was wrong and he really is real and not just some sick delusion of my friends mind.
I always felt that when my mom kicked my dad out she didn’t wanted me because i was a connection to him and ever time i did something that annoyed her in any way she would be like you know what you need to go live with your father. I never did just because i want to make her life a living hell.I know its wrong to want that but i really do I want to get pay back for my years of suffering.
My mom was sexually molested by an uncle at a young age she was beaten a lot she was almost raped about 3 times and she was raped once and had my sister but then she kept getting into abusive relationships and eventually she gotten stronger an now she kicks her bf ass. Last time he hit me i punched him in the face and pushed him against a wall and attempted to strangle him (anger problems lol) he hasn’t touched me since. but one thing i cant get over is when my mom was married to some rich cop my sister was about 9 and he smack the shot out of her and she packed her shit and filed for divorce the next day. But she has let people beat me for a long time and never has she once stood up for me.
My mom is a catholic. She goes to church. i have no religion i believe in god but i don’t worship him. I have a fucked way of thinking and i think god put us on earth to have fun with our lives and be the best person we can be but i don’t think he put us here to go to church all the time worship him and scold people who have different believe. I just think religion complicates life sometimes. When people tell you what you have to do to go to heaven and throw the bible at you for every little “sin” you do. so my religion is there is a god but he put me here to live my life and enjoy my life and possibly make a small impact on someone life and be a good person with a good heart. He didn’t put me here to be a hypocritical Jesus freak.
I honestly don’t know i still have to talk things out with nick and get him out of my life because he has become a disease and if not cured soon he will kill me. I plan to get my permit really soon so i will be driving and get a part time job so i can have money. I am going to use my fathers address and go to the school district were he lives to get out of cyber school because the extra hours are driving me mad lol and idk i guess Im going to try not to jump off any bridges lol
Hey Hun,
If Nick has any agenda it is to make things easier for him. Trust me. Let’s say it’s not a joke….then what is it. You’re friend and Nick are trying to hook up…that much I get…and is she under as much pressure or is she of a different mindset? so it just makes it easier if you are involved…therefore not as likely to give her advice…or to make her easier to access…who knows…don’t know your situation…or keeps you from telling anything…who knows….you don’t really want to know…trust me….lol
For me it was my older sister….she had an older boyfriend….but he wasn’t interested in her….he wanted me…I couldn’t stand him….made me scared just looking at him sometimes….and my sister beat me often when he would pay attention to me instead of her. One day she says to me….Jim is out in the car and wants to talk to you…..i see beating written all over this one…but out I go….and he propositions me….gives the charm and charisma of a saint….but i no like. So I thank him kindly for his interest but turn him down flat. Pretty sure I was doing the right thing….like you are doing the right thing. When I go back into the house my sister wants to know what I told him. So I told her. Boom. To the moon. Saw stars and went out. seriously…after she brought me around she told me to march my sorry ass back outside and tell him that I had had a change of heart or there would be more of the same for me. So I did. Long story short….I ended up marrying him and having two children with him. He stole my soul….I had to buy it back from him….literally….the last weekend we were married he beat me like a dog in the street and tried to run me over with my babies in the back of the car. I lost consciousness 4 times before he ran out of energy…i swear to God…and the only thing that kept me standing was my babies crying for me….i swear…i really just wanted to lay down and die….he tried very hard to destroy me with his own pain…and damn near succeeded. With court ordered visitation….he went on to sexually molest my children as well. Oh yeah…the reason I agreed to it in the first place. He had a friend that my sister was interested in. She figured if she couldn’t have him his friend was just as good….but had to have an excuse to have them coming around…talk about your sacrificial lamb….lol…and did her plan work….ah no.
Our first date he took me to church….seriously…good girl here….but on the way home from church he took a detour to a local spot and parked….not good….won’t bore you with details….he took advantage…i felt like i had been raped…but i didn’t stop him….didn’t think I could….he used anger, self loathing a whole arsenal of things to lure me in….and then when it got to the point that i wanted to stop….he called me some nasty names and had his way with me.
This is why I say you have dodged a bullet….please don’t make my experience count for nothing…if you can learn any thing from it please do. Ignore the rest.
As to religion….look us Gnosticism….that will explain most of my belief system and maybe even some of yours….who knows.
I hope your dreams and goals come to you. You deserve good things. Just believe it. Don’t live for anyone…parents…boyfriend…learn to love yourself and live for you. Best advice imo.
Blessed Be
Amakua
Oh yeah….sorry…about your mother….I think you have it all figured out don’t you….it’s all she can do to stand up for herself at this point…and guilt keeps her from looking tooo close….like reliving her nightmare through you….you are probably the child most like her if I don’t miss my guess….did pretty good with the abuse tho didn’t I?….lol….I’ve lived both sides.
Namaste
Amakua
Well i told hm to piss off and at im done playing his little games if he wants it in the butt the whatever thats his problem. I told him I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.
I told james to stop trying to get me with his b rother and that im done with that and want nothing to do with it and that me and hi can stay friends but i will not let him become to good of a friend or anyone i feel i need in my life. He is an aquentence until we have face to face converstion.
I told jasmine that im done with her games too and she can keep that drama to herself and i dont want anything to do with it.And if she has a problem with that then this friendship is over.
I’m really sorry about what happened to you.
I will try to think about myself for a change and stop giving a crap about other people opinions and to stop letting them validate me.
Thank you for all your help your an awesome person and i hope you get threw whatever your going threw. 🙂
yea me and my mom are the same person i swear we just like difrent stuff but thats why we hate eachother lol
LOL you made my day hun….seriously…and that’s all anyone can do…get through it.
I’m in your corner….there is a reason you are here….and you’re just smart enough to figure it out. Me….I was given less than 6 months to live in December 2000…so yeah…i’m not only getting through it….i’m moving on too….and learning finally how to live….the living to die I have a PHD in…lol…and I think you’ve endured enough for a little graduation celebration yourself. You are amazing…honour to meet you.
If you wouldn’t mind….check out GoodGirl’s latest post….it is amazing….will put the cherry on top of your sundae….check it out and let me know what you think about Taylor?….and you.
It was perfect, it is perfect, it will be perfect as you are perfect
Amakua
That was an amazing letter
i have always wanted to write something like that
but i felt if i did it would be real
because i faked happy so long
that i made myself believe the bad things i did and the sadness i felt was dreams
so to read that and relate to it so much is so cool
shes a good writer too
Did you like? Amazing eh? She’s one of the souls that saved a wretch like me. But humble….too bad….would like to hear more from the likes of her….remember I’m not that smart and I been at it 30 more years than she has….amazing. I hope for the same for you. That is what I will focus on in my meditation tonight. You and GoodGirl.
Glad you came here….an honour to meet you and get to know a little about you….but stick around and work the site….read other posts….leave comments if inspired to do so….don’t take anyone elses pain personally and keep looking for the next answer….simple as that. Need help with navigation…just ask someone…me not so much…new to technology myself….had never e-mailed or chatted before I got here….silly old woman…but lots of wonderful souls on this site. Come and go as you choose….but remember you can always find me at my home post. Welcome to the Land of Oz…Amakua is In. I check in usually once a day and you can leave a message for me if you would like.
Hoping you all the best
You of all people deserve it
Amakua
Thank you
this site and you personaliy have helped me alot
i will definatly re visit this site to help others like myself
i will also talk to you and the people on this site when my depression sneaks up to drag me under
Hope to talk to you again
love,shewolf
Good stuff in this thread.
@Protoryu….you read all this?….you’re my new hero…lol
How are you?
Namaste
Amakua
Yes I read it but figured teenwolf (I know its shewolf but teenwolf was an awesome movie) got enough advice.
Im good. Tired as Hell though. You?
lol teenwolf, I don’t even remember the movie, though I am sure I saw it way back when. The new teenwolf series on mtv is a lot better then I would have expected anything on that channel to be. I am actually looking forward to the second season of it.