The darkness of loneliness is an all consuming void that has taken over my very existence. The humiliation I am forced to endure is like a river and I am the rock, seemingly strong against it but am being eroded by its relentless onslaught. A simple slice and I could let the pain of life seep from my body and lull me to the deep dreamless sleep of peace. What do you do when oblivion seems warm and inviting like the embrace of a lover? You go to it, you embrace it, you let its sweet arms wrap around you and take away everything. What do you do when you have nothing to live for? What do you do when you have exhausted all your reasons to live? What do you do when the universe itself seems to go out of its way just to make you miserable? Who is anyone to tell me my life is precious? No one can truly understand what people like me go through. Why did I have to be born in the first place? I truly wish I never existed. I have my way out; I have a way to fix my problems. I never stood a chance in this world. Now I will die as I knew I would….alone…..unloved….in the same darkness that has been my unwanted companion for as long as I can remember. Tonight I embrace my destiny and let the coldness creep over me, washing away my pain, my sorrow, all of me.
To the rest of you, find that one ray of light in your life and gravitate towards it. I consider myself lucky in one aspect. Knowing what I do, knowing that today would be my last has let me find peace. Go outside and let the gentle breeze wash over your face. Look at everything as if it was your last time. You will not regret it. Goodbye.
7 comments
Beautiful post, my friend.
I won’t tell you not to die, as I share many of your feelings.
That said, I feel obliged to point out that it may take a lot more than ‘a simple slice’ to bring the end of your existence. I know you were being poetic, but you should be aware before you go to the trouble that death by cutting/bleeding is incredibly difficult and most people who attempt this live to tell about it. Although some are awakened into a newfound appreciation of life after a suicide attempt (so I’ve read, anyway) it’s not so often the case. I strongly recommend you think this over before going through with it.
Peace.
deadinside9’s right: sometimes you have to hack away at those bastard veins, and it’s none too peaceful or poetic.
since you sound pretty committed to this whole thing, before you go: how do you know what your destiny is? i just ask, since priests, poets and madmen have been trying to figure it out (and i haven’t a clue myself). indulge me, if you please.
Beautiful.
Exquisite.
Enchanting.
Mesmerizing.
Your words make death considerably more inviting than it already is to me.
Bleeding out is not a reliable way unless you have good anatomical knowledge of where to cut.
And yes, knowing that one can actually end one’s own life does grant a measure of comfort… a catharsis if you will.
I do hope before you make that last move that you do what you said in your last paragraph. Enjoy something before you choose.
I struggled with this for a while. The thoughts, the longing die. Begging whatever higher being there is to stop my heart. Last night was a practically low point for me. Sharing this with others has helped me. I am still here. I know that I must endure for the sake of my mother and sister. My sister came to me once in tears, telling me that she has had too much death in her life and that she could not bear any more. This has kept me going for her sake all these years and I sometimes forget it. Maybe my destiny is to die alone, cold and quietly, but maybe it’s also to quietly endure and self sacrifice for the sake of those around me. I will continue to smile when I want to cry. I will continue to laugh when I want to scream. I will do this as long as I can. Thank you all and I am sorry for my post.
Yea. I read it could take several days to bleed to death.
We both know that isn’t true, neither is having to saw on the veins. You can bleed to death in as little as fifteen minutes from a minor wound if the blood doesn’t clot and stop. I know you guys are trying to make it sound horrible so people won’t try it but if you are christian then you wouldn’t be lying to people.
“If a large blood vessel is cut, a person can bleed to death in one minute or less. Rapid loss of one quart or more of blood often leads to irreversible shock and death. Serious bleeding requires immediate attention and care.
Sources: Thomas, Lowell J. First Aid for Backpackers and Campers, p. 7; Thygerson, Alton L. First Aid Essentials, p. 53.”
I think what they’re trying to say is that statistically speaking bleeding out isn’t the most reliable method of killing yourself. It can be done, yes, but it’s one of the less certain methods. There’s a website (lost all hope . com) that has it down at 6% lethality. I’m not too sure how they work these things out but it does make interesting reading. And yes, a minor wound COULD be enough to kill you IF you don’t clot. But what are the chances that you won’t clot? Do you have a clotting disorder of any kind? I think they’re just suggesting that you think about how likely it is that you’ll succeed before putting yourself (and any family etc you might have) through that.
I won’t tell you not to kill yourself. It’s your life. I don’t have the right to tell you what to do with it. I’m just suggesting that you give it serious thought – not just to make sure that it’s what you want to do, but to make sure you’re happy with the WAY.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.