Attention.

ATTENTION! that it! Its attention! Its attention that I want. So everyone says . But no! I dont do it for that! Or do I. Attetion is something i dont get offten. I never get attention. My cutting burning and beating myself up has NOTHING to do with attention. Or does it. I mean I dont think I do. No one knows that I do anything. Do they? People do know That I have tryed killing myself. But that isnt myfault. Is it? . I love my life sometimes. But when I go to the partial hospital , do I go for attention? I dont think I do. But Again, I have no control on my life sometimes. Or do I ? People hate me, is it because I hate myself and it fallows me.? I hate how I look , sometimes. I know I’m pretty, but pretty isnt everything. I am over weight. Everyone thinks im 125-140 but im really 160. I need to loss weight. I need to count on myself because no friends ever there. Life is so difficult , I live for others, not for myself. I would die for others but I wont even stand up for myself. I do things for others, but is it for attention? Is attention a big thing in my life. I dont know if I like attention but I do know I dont want anyone to see me down, or do I . I dont want people to see me help others, or do I. Do I do everything for attention?…Is my life based on attention. I dont think so. Or is it. Im confussed. I dont like attention. Do I. I want to know why I dont know this about myself.