for your entertainment: my shit!

sorry if I came off as patronizing, but you kindof asked for it.

fuckin hippies.

your guys thread on intentonal communities was actually what motivated me to create an account on SP. I had a feeling it was going to go in a Jim Jones direction and it intrigued me. I’ve been obsessed with communes and ICs for years- the idea of ressurecting the family socital structure, living off grid with solar/wind/water power generators. I’m terribly interested in the philosophical ideas that were used to justify and further the nazi movement- in particular GI Gurdjieff and Fredrick Nietzche (with his idea of the Superman). My theory is that the whole notion of concentration camps came about as a bastardized and corrupted version of GI Gurdjieff’s esoteric schools- many of which centered around the spiritual merit of exhaustive manual labor as a means to harmonize the intellectual, emotional, and physical ‘brains’ of people that are said to be working lobsidedly in the average fragmented human biological machine. Gurdjieff’s 4th way is a combination of what he called the 3 ways to transcend the perceptual prison of brainwashed sleep that we are all said to be in (namely the way of the monk, the yogi, and the fakir). I think Victor Frankl’s ‘mans search for meaning’ is probly the best evidence you could reference to make that point, it’s 14 years memoirs written by a jew in Aushwitz during the holocost, in which he describes, in rather graphic detail, the breaking down of his psyche leading to some sort of metaphysical awakening. The holocost was undeniably fucked up and wrong, but I think it (along with Jonestown, the manson family, and other attempts at communism done TO and AT people on a massive political scale (rather than something chosen by them and done on a smaller ‘family sized’ scale) as seen in russia, korea, and other countries) really put a nasty stigma on a lot of really valid information and made a lot of people ‘throw the baby out with the bathwater’ as it were.
I used to be in the Rainbow Family (another corrupt organization in decay because of poor leadership and organizational flops) and we had about 5 warehouses and 4 public gardens run as coops. we would collect supplies from dumpsters and junk yards and store them, bring them out to the land and recycle it using what we could to build barns, greenhouses, hydroponic troths, fences, whatever we needed. I didn’t see that particular project through to its completion, but I learned a lot of practical information about constructing and organizing an intentional community.
My friend and I have about 4acres of land, and we’re thinking of starting an intentional community loosely based on 4th way ideas. We’re both on EBT foodstamps but plan on growing our own food. I’m a vegan, and he’s a carnivore that eats Mcdonalds burgers and cheetos. Were going to start with sheds (the kind you can get at the hardware store for about 2000$) and we’re going to build a sort of fort village from there out of what we can find. It’s going to be all off grid. our biggest problem right now is lack of funding- we’re very paranoid about who has a hand in our community and needless to say don’t want some banker asshole to screw us from under with some contract loophole after we put our blood, sweat, and tears into building it. There will be no hand holding or kumbiah singing of any sort, we’re both gutter punks so the closest thing I can think of might be initiation rituals involving duct taping 2 40oz beer bottles to both your hands and making you drink them both in one sitting- sortof a twist on Gurdjieff’s ‘toast to the idiot’ Edward 40 hands.
@one_day- I don’t know where I’d get reviews for my mystical haunted penis- my ex feonce might say good things, since as far as I can tell that’s all she kept me around for- you might be surprised to hear I’m not really into debauchery, so there wouldn’t be that many potential reviewers to begin with, plus it’s not really for sale, so I don’t know if ebay would let me post it- I could make you a haunted rubber replica to try out, or take a photo perhaps? you don’t have to buy it- you just have to let me sleep on your couch and cook you breakfast and give you back rubs and shit -you’re in the advertizing industry?! I see.. so you’re a penitent of sorts- that’s admirable. I met a ton of social workers that should have been in advertizing, but never someone in advertizing that should have been in social work. good luck with that.

Nah- the rat race forces people into deeper sleep by making it so they can barely perform their job function while not being at all present with either other brain- the one who wins the rat race is someone who’s mastered the art of daydreaming while working- they work in a state of sleep blissed out in their own mental processes- it’s the easiest way to keep from going crazy in the monotony of it all. what you said about monks is true- they’re entirely lobsided and live in only one brain center. a monk is not equipped to deal with life- their training is all done in an an artificial space designed to remove every chaotic worldly stimulus so that they can be completely self absorbed. meditation is rightfully called a practice because it’s like riding a bike with training wheels the real work is mentation- self observation in the midst of functioning ‘normally’ ‘rectifying the worlds evils’ doing your to do. Quality improvement is the purpose- not personal amusement. It’s that superhuman omnipresence you get coming down on acid where you function more effectively as opposed to coming up where you’re disoriented- catalyzation is what the monks and yogis and fakirs are striving for, but they do it wrong. Taking acid you probly know there’s some things you can learn to do that make you better at doing everything you do- or maybe not- I know I’ve found things like that. that old saying ‘how you do anything- that’s how you do everything.
If you can drink 80 fluid oz of LSD and keep your head, you’re totally welcome in.
Hey, you’re the one who wants to go into social work- don’t you somewhat get off on listening to people talk about their feelings? sure, I’ll be a lab rat/case study, sure.

I’ll check out the link later, I got to go back to work…

@duke- monks don’t work. monks pray and meditate. ignorance is really bliss, but misunderstanding makes people miserable. the happiest people I know are also the smartest people I know, so.. I don’t think monks really escape from anything, even if they stay in the monestary their entire lives, they’re still compromising something, and they’re still subject to the same misery anyone who goes without faces- they just maybe take it in a different order or in heavier doses. monks don’t escape work, they escape one disease by taking another.

@one day- thats hilarious. pertinant-yea, I get it.. but um.. actually my feelings are completely original and unique and unlike those of anyone you’ve ever talked to- I feel things on an alien spectrum that are totally mindblowing and shit.. this one time I got so pissed off I wanted to die! I had a fling with this one girl who’d invite me over when her boyfriend went to work so we could sit in bed and go through her highschool yearbook and name everyone, I was so relieved when she got to the end of it, only to have her pull out 2 more and when she was done proceeded to her facebook and named everyone there too. I bet her boyfriend was honest like “I don’t give a shit about what your aunt does for a living and why, I just want to fuck- oh she’s a seamstress-great!” some people aren’t aware that their lives are boring as hell to begin with and on top of it they suck at storytelling.
with social workers? I’ve been through more social workers in my teens than most people have been to the doctor- yeah, most are puritanical ‘post modernist’ under cover christians trying to sell their mediocre self help books. just remember that your philosophy is your philosophy and your personal annalogies are your personal annalogies and they mean something to YOU and are not proverbial 90% of the time and there are some neurotic patients that have read more psychology texts trying to fix themselves than you have- that’s where most of them go wrong, they become crusaders or gurus who think it’s a disease to disagree with them. it’s shit like this: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/02/09/shyness-illness-in-dangerous-health-book-experts-say/ that’s wrong with psychiatric philosophy in general. it’s philosophy, not science, there’s nothing objective about it except that a bunch of people with a bunch of money and an adjenda agree with eachother and sell a lot of books. I think if you’re going to go that way, do it outright and be a guru, don’t subliminalize your message and prey on the weakminded, streight up write a bible, start a cult and create a religion. I think you’ll make a fine social worker if you keep that in mind.

one day- I don’t think you’re scary.. dont you know I only beat you cas I love you? no shit about the girl, she actually did that but I didn’t put up with it for very long- she had some other issues that were way more dispickable, not to mention she was awful in bed- it turns out I was just one of dozens of men she did the same thing to. I’m still good friends with her old roomate.
I got a lot of resect for you and I think you come off as a really genuine person wih a good heart. Your poetry is amazing, and you’re a great storyteller. I didn’t mean the guru bit as a slam, I’m actually a proponent of the guru tradition- I don’t think any one guru or cult has it right, but I find a lot more truth in the esoteric circles than in psychology, religion, philosophy, and science. I say that because it’s what I found helpful, having been through all sorts of treatments and books- I think a lot of good could come out of implimenting a brauder, more objective, and more informed spiritual outlet in treating mental patients. I think the christians have really hurt just as many people as they’ve helped with their altruism- if you aren’t a christian, and you’re a drug addict for instance, rehab is not going to help you. all they do in rehab is teach you how to go to AA and NA meetings, and AA and NA are heavily juedo-christian undertoned religious organizations that propose ‘spiritual awakening’ as a cure to mental illness.
I think rationalizing your emotions is a double edged sword- many emotional reactions aren’t logical and rationalizing them in that light is just lying to yourself. Understanding your problems is totally useful. asfar as medacines go- you’re right about not just treating symptoms, but I think the people that could be helped by meds- like schizophrenics for example, who are totally fine as long as they take their pills- they are only a very small part of the population. 50% of the population of ‘neurotic’ people have nothing organically wrong with them, they’re in perfect health and their brains work just fine; just a guess, but I’d say that the the majority of people on this site fit that description. what makes all these beautiful girls who post their pictures on here think they’re ugly and cut and starve themselves and plot their suicides with people online? how do you rationalize the way they feel? I think we’re dealing with a much bigger problem than helping people write down their goals and steps to achieve those goals in a planner is going to solve. I do have a lot of contempt for psych professionals in general, but I have met a handful of good ones- not good in that they actually helped me, but good in their motives, people with good hearts who really did help a lot of people and really were very smart- good friends. I think thats what people need more than anything- and it’s so hard to find a good friend. that’s all a psychiatrist or a social worker really is- someone you pay to act like a friend.

@ one day- ‘objective opinion’ is an absurdity, an opinion is a subjective statement. Yeah, rehab provides a temptation free environment- but it’s along the same lines as what we talked about with the monks- it doesnt cure anything. It’s impossible to stop a habit, it will just come out in another form of addictive behavior- like the compulsive gamblers who start drinking, or turn to permiscuity- I think whats missing is ‘healthy’ or at least socially acceptable addictive habits- like workaholism which is totally unhealthy, but generally never frowned upon. Insanity is an entirely sane reaction to an insane world.. I like that. yeah, you wrote at least one poem. I know it was you.

all addiction is an OCD, the form of it changes with some people who ‘recover.’

I’m familiar with ayahuasca, never actually tried it. the closest I’ve tried is 5-meo-dmt (I had a bufu alvarius named Horus) and dmt. I’m also familiar with erowid.org. There’s a pretty good site called bouncingbearbotanicals that you can order everything you need to cook ayahuasca (and a lot of other legal and ‘barely legal ethnobotanicals), but from what I’ve been told the stuff needs to be prepaired in a certian way by a shaman or it wont work like it’s supposed to- something about the rythm you chop the bark at and order you do it in- it sounds strange, but I know at a lot of esoteric schools they prepare all food in a certain ‘alchemical’ ritual- it has to be done in a very specific way, at a very specific time, place and order- and done in this way food that is chemically and organically not dissimilar to ordinary food prepared how any average joe could turns into a higher substance. There’s a great book I’d highly reccommend you checkout called ‘The American Book of the Dead” by EJ Gold that’s all about the bardos and is basically a guide to conscious dying that guides you through the 49 chambers of the bardos and (alledgedly) teaches you how to escape rebirth. It gave me a lot of ‘hey..I’ve been here before’/trippy deja vu moments reading it- I have a lot of dreams in the bardos (a lot of people do without realizing it), and it helps me sortof figure out where I am and where to go in the labyrinth at times. and if you’re as moved by the ABD as I was, there’s a school in Grass Valley CA (I’m not sure how far away from there you live) that I’ve always wanted to vist.

you nodding out over there one_day?

I remember most of my dreams, especially the recurring and primal ones. I keep dreaming my teeth are breaking and falling out for some reason, I think it’s probly because I haven’t been laid in 3 years and I’m doing dope again- anyway lucid dreaming is very cool if you’re disciplined enough to do it- I think of it as practical magick. I’m not big on the whole ceremonial robes and crystal wands hippie shit, but I think there’s something to being able to direct attention with the whole ‘as above so below idea’ put into practice- the more detailed you can get, the better- I started out drawing and then got into sculpture, then I found video game engines (spend 20hours a week playing with one of those and you’ll have some crazy creation-like dreams I promise). doing that I used to create people in my dreams out of vague clouds of aether and light, I kept adding more details and cheracter traits to them and designed environments and situatons for them- I’ve met a few of the people I ‘invented’ or attracted in ‘real’ life.. it’s really amazing when it happens. lately though I’ve had less innocent wonder and more malice with mysticism- I’ve been trying to give my ex bleeding ulcers and dreams where she gets raped by demons and shit; I don’t know if it’s possible but it gives me a sense of personal power which I can’t seem to get elsewhere. I also like to try to stay awake while I fall asleep and sense my identity breaking into all the different people, to try to keep an awareness of my body and all of them at the same time (instead of assuming just one identity within a dream like what normally happens) the trick is to become omnicient.. what helps with that is to get about 7-9 AIM or facebook accounts, and invent different personalities for each of them (i usually have a list of character ‘game rules’ boundaries they can’t step outside of and things they must always do/say), then add as many friends as you can and try to juggle conversations (and modalities) as fast as you can- it really sharpens your character development skills if you write too. I see it all as making art out of my psychosis- I think recovery and progress is a bunch of bullshit and we’re all brainwashed, asleep and insane and no one has an accurate view of ‘reality’. we are all imprisoned in that reality so.. why not fuck shit up- it’s just for fun. I find the gurdjieff people to be a bit stiff about the whole thing, but yeah, there’s a lot of good stuff in the 4th way writings.

@ one_day- agreed, no one deserves to get raped by deons, but she already has dreams that she does, and she also gets ulcers (without my wishing for it) you have to play on what already does/can happen and me getting a really hot girlfriend doesn’t and can’t happen because I don’t want a really hot girlfriend, I want a really smart girlfriend with a sense of humor and a good heart, who’s artistic and cool with me being a derelict (and the two usually don’t mix, all the hot women I’ve met have been mean bitches who think their life is serious or they’re boxes of rocks who don’t think at all, or they want to change me into a ‘normal’ person.. cliche’ I know, but it seems to be true).
I have a dream that all my teeth are falling out, sometimes they break first and sometimes my gums break and fall out also. I have this dream about once a week and it’s been going on for about a year. Loss of teeth is one of Jung’s primal dreams, he says it means loss of power because back in the caveman days if you had no teeth, you couldn’t eat as quickly and would starve and lose power. I don’t know about unattractiveness, cause in my dreams anyway, whenever my teeth fall out I have this very odd sensation that I’m really beautiful when I look in the mirror, my face always looks different, and sometimes my eyes change colors- I had one in this series where I discovered in addition to broken teeth, I had a forked tongue and yellow eyes, and I just stared at myself thinking I was really sexy- but I kindof have a thing for people with missing and broken teeth, I find atrophy (especially dental) attractive.. so maybe it can go either way.. I thought it had something to do with sex cause I stopped giving a shit about my hygiene after she left me, I figured I didn’t have anyone to impress, and I never cared how I look or smell in the first place (unless it’s really really really bad), I just do it for other people.

They both seem to have the same emotional theme to them- vulnerability/embarrassment, like a fear of angry/critical mobs. Public nudity is also a primal dream Jung talked about- I forgot what he said about it though.
I used to be in a dream group that was a lot of fun. Every week we would meet and sit in a circle. We had this blue/greenish stone that we’d pass around; one person would hold the stone and share their dream and then pass the stone to the next person who could only talk about the 1’st person’s dream- it was less about interpreting it psychologically, and more about what sorts of details they could add to it- like certian colors, feelings, images they might be able to see that the other person(who had the dream in the 1st place) couldn’t or forgot. it was a really interesting group but we didn’t have enough to pay rent at the meeting place so it ended. I’ve been looking for another group , but haven’t been able to find one.. I wonder if it would work online if we did it like a blog..

@ Lucy4, how would we do it? just start another wordpress site like SP? thats crazy, you were born in a week of tortured junkie guitarists- maybe you should get some white powders and a big amp.

@magento- your dream sortof reminds me of this 90’s movie ‘the cube’ they made a sequel called hypercube and another one called cube zero I think- you should check it out. good luck sharking.. don’t scratch.

drink until your problems go away! drink until they do not want to stay! drink until you do not know your name! drink until you’ll never be the same!