I’m close to suicide…
I don’t want to talk to a national crisis therapist or counselor…
Last time I did that I was put on hold because my counselor received another caller… I felt a that point that my life didn’t have real value and I was almost worthless…
I don’t know what thrive I have left to live.
This is my last resort and I’m extremely certain no one is kind enough to help. This will just be conformation that I’m just about pathetic…
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Hi
I would love to help you. I find it hard helping people on here, because I’m in the same situation, but I’m here for you to talk to. 🙂
Thanks. If you need help as well or need someone to vent to I’m here as well.
Sometimes it helps to just talk so why not talk/write it out here?
Well.. If I did some comtent wouldn’t be really approvable. In my journal I can go all out with my feelings and not have anyone else dislike or ne hurt by what I have to say…
Evy,
It does help to talk. That’s what the helplines are for but I think that you want to talk to someone that truly understands the pain that you are feeling at this moment.
We have these dark places in our lives that try to suck us in and we can’t see anything outside of that. No light, no happiness, just a deep dark hole of lonliness.
I have been there, what I realize after climbing from that hole is that I allowed my mind to go there. I listened to the lies that my mind told me, I believed them and I wanted to quit. Fortunately, I was able to climb out. Don’t let your mind go there and if it does, don’t follow. It’s a hard climb out!
I am here for you if you want to talk.
For some reason my comments are being moderated. It might be because I’ve updated my profile. Unless people have taken offence to me 🙁
You are wrong about people not caring. We care. We are genuine because we only hurt ourselves and not others. I firmly believe the world would be a worse place if you were not in it. This feeling will pass, give it time. If this is your first time on here we are a community. Amakua, molly Woppit, goodgirl (or Taylor Swift as she now likes to be known), Adastra all helped me when I was at my worst.
Hey Evy,
I’m soooo sorry….but your post originally made me laugh….not at you….at me as usual….I posted something in December that was similiar….it has been removed but I believe the title was…”Anyone Ever Call A Suicide Hotline and get put on Hold?”. Yep…that’s what happened to me as well. Then I ran out of time….and it just gets worse….thank God for the wonderful souls on the SP here. Me I call these periods…my dark night of the soul…can you relate to that?
Are you new here? If so…welcome…we need more of your kind here.
Namaste
Amakua
I’m happy I’m not the only one who has been put on hold from a suicide hotline.. To tell the truth I didn’t think I’d get any support from here.. I’m so high in doubt that I nearly gave up before I posted. It amazes me how supportive everyone has been so far. Truly, I don’t think I am able to defeat this dark demon alone.. Everyday it gets worse and worse almost like a bruise that’s consuming the natural pigment of my skin, inch by inch. I feel so vulnerable, and it’s not just because I’m depressed it’s far more worse than that. I have a horrible job i which I’ve put in my two weeks, my family members keep dying, I’ve lost 3 the past 2 months, I feel belittled and hated by my parents, everyday they find something to complain about, and it’s not tough love, my dad is a cocaine addict so he’s doing it out of anger and my mom is clinically depressed and really has no attachment or involvement in my life, I greatly agree they hate me…idk. I feel like I’ve failed as a person. I’m very successful so far in life but money cannot buy me happiness…
Evy…
Please hang in there. Every day this week has been so hard to get through, but I’ve got to hope that tomorrow might be better. Some days are, and some days almost seem enjoyable.
It sounds like you have had a hell of a lot of crap happen to you recently, and throughout your life. But hey, you do have a job. That’s a good thing (believe me, being unemployed alone can make a person want to end it all). Both of my parents were very loving, but they are no longer here. I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you having a addicted dad and a mom who is always down. Please don’t see their failures as your own.
This is a silly question, but do you have any pets (dogs or cats)? I swear if it wasn’t for my cat that depends on me, I don’t know what I would do.
I have a dog and a cat. And thanks for your comment.
No, don’t get a cat they selfish. A dog is a mans best friend for sure.
Hey Evy,
Not trying to be nosy…but I am…lol…how old are you? I ask because I wanted to know how much influence they have over your day to day life. You have been through a lot….but I have seen worse stories resolved….I know it’s hard…but just want you to know that there are answers….sometimes not until we are able to hear them….but they are there. In the meantime….stick around…I see you’ve been reading and commenting on other posts and even tho you are down….still looking out for others….like i said…stick around …we need more souls like you. If you have any questions just ask….lots of advice around here…(not always good)…but free…lol
And we do care. Was curious if you are also having anxiety issues or panic attacks?
Namaste
Amakua
Im 19 and I don’t have any history or feelings of panic attacks or anxiety attacks. I’m a pretty healthy individual. I know there are stories out there far more worse than mine. I’ve even lost friends hours after they called me for help. I don’t want to be one of those friends who calls and says what’s up then hangs up moments later and offs myself. I can see it happening and I’ve attempted it before. My last attempt I couldn’t stop and I got scared because I was extremely close to death. I was terrified to tell my parents what had happened let alone call an ambulance…and this was at the beginning of January. I then learned that instead of my neath taking place my aunt died a few days later and for that I feel was my fault…I know it’s not but the way I believe things happen makes sense to me and not to many others…I promised my brother I’d take him to New York for his first time at the end of the year. Right now that event is the only thing helping me thrive to stay alive…but most days are darker than others. I know I shouldnt be “complaining” but I wanted one more chance to reach out and get help. No therapists, no suicide hotlines or counselors, I wanted someone real to listen to me. And here I am…
I call my cats a gift from the Universe to keep me from being lonely, keep me alive.
I had a therapist once who asked me to sign a “no suicide” contract before he would treat me. I told him that if I could make that promise, I wouldn’t need him. He took me on as a patient anyway and ended up telling me that I was hopeless; he didn’t give me more than a year to live.
That was 1979. This is 2012.
Wow…he actually told you that??? That’s harsh…I’m sorry. But I’m ecstatic for you that you’ve come this far!
Evy. I am very interested in your story, and the comments that have been stated above. I would really be interested in talking with you sometime, if you have time and would like to chat, I think you are a compelling individual and your story is drawing my attention. I would love to help, listen, administer adivce, or whatever may be of any substantial help to you. Don’t hesitate, and please feel free to contact me, amanda_paris333@hotmail.com
Take care,
Amanda
Hey Evy,
Not sure where you are in the world….easiest to find someone in your time zone I would think to talk to for obvious reasons….I had to go quite a ways back this morning to find the thread on this post. I have a feeling that we are in a similiar time zone…let me know….Ontario, Canada here. Glad that you are not having anxiety issues…trust me….It makes everything harder. So if you would like to share, would like to learn more….but no pressure.
If it is too personal to share in this forum there is always e-mail. Mine is my user name at hotmail.ca….actually it should show up on all my comments on this post. Feel free to e-mail if you would like….or stick around….there are a lot of folks a lot smarter (not older) than I am….just don’t be in a hurry. When are you going to New York?
Hope to talk to you more later
Amakua
I’m in Denver, Co. I want to take my brother to New York from 12/27/2012-1/2/2013. I really don’t know where to begin to tell you more, plus I’ll feel like I’m complaining. But if there are specific things you’d like to know, ask and I’ll tell.
Hey Evy,
Sorry I got called out again….it happens to me a lot lately…lol…
I’m not sure what to ask…because you have shared so little…and that is completely normal for most. I don’t sense that this is a lifelong issue….just wondering if you are dealing with some specific trauma or issue that is getting you down. Do you normally suffer from depression and suicidal ideations….or is this something new for you. Just wondering how you are successful when so young. Do you live at home with your parents? How old is your brother? How many questions do you want all at one time?…lmao…I am a nosey old witch…lol…When did these feelings first start….and do you really want to die…or are you just tired or afraid to continue living?….whole lot of difference in the two you know. I have a chiro appt I have to leave for….won’t probably get back on until 8 or so….which would be 5 or 11 where you are….don’t remember if it’s forward or backward…but I think it will be after 5 pm there. But I will be back….leave me some answers if you would like. Hope to talk to you later….going to get my back cracked up real good.
Namaste
Amakua
People that want to hurt themselves don’t go looking for help. People that want to live do. There are lots of us here that will be glad to help you. feel free to vent..