So, I guess i’ll tell you about myself. My name is Zoe. spelled Zoe pronounced Zoey. Iv’e always been a happy kid. or so everyone thinks so. no one really knows how i feel. they don’t bother to look past the smiles and see the constant pain and emptyness I feel. I shouldnt be complaining though, ive got a roof over my head, clothes on my back, family and friends. BUT IM NOT HAPPY!
When I was young, and id get stressed or sad, id bite myself and scream into my arm until I felt relieved. It always left a big mark.. it felt good. Then I got older, and things got serious. I started out with eraser burns at school challenging my friends saying “i bet i could take t better then you” and i always would. Then I started smoking pot and I would give myself lighter burns all over.. just for “fun”. Then one day I cracked. I took a pair of scissors in my room when I was 13 years old. and I pressed hard on my wrist leaving several marks. It hurt but I loved it. Seeing the blood run down my arm was the best experience i’ve ever had. Then I got into the razors… they became deeper and deeper every time. I cut EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I can’t help it. It’s like heroin to me. I’ve got scars everywhere. I’m still hiding them from my mother. She’d be dissapointed in me even more if she found out about it.
Thanks For Reading..
xoxo Zoe
11 comments
What’s wrong…
Does your mommy or daddy love you? Will they help you if you need it?
=|
Both my mom, dad, step dad, and step mom love me very much. and well, its hard to answer your question “whats wrong?” when really nothings right. You follow?
i know what you mean about cutting every day
i used to.
but people find out, and you get shrinks that can’t help you, and people that aren’t really paying attention. Yeah, im glad you came here though
have you tried talking to them?
I’ve tried. I could never get the right words out. I also don’t want to disappoint them anymore. If they found out about this it would tear their world apart. I couldn’t do that to them… Also, my mom and step dad both think cutting is silly. They say it doesn’t help anyone or anything. they’re right it doesn’t.. o.o
you should try talking to them… (think of it like, if you had a daughter and how you would want her to come to talk to you if there was anything wrong) … iono .. that’s my only advice sorry..
It’s okay. &Thank you. Maybe one day i’ll tell them.
I know the feeling.
My dad didn’t want to accept the fact that I cut myself. My mom couldn’t care less. But the pain I see in my fathers eyes kills me inside. My step dad just recently left my family for a motorcycle gang so I’m used to the feeling of abandonment, and my step mom just understands. She tells me to write and paint, which is what I used to do to let the pain out. I obsessed with writing a horror story, it started with killing my mother, then the others I hated. But the only will I have to stop cutting or at least hide it, is to not see the pain in my fathers eyes. I can’t get them out of head, it eats me alive because of everything I had caused him.
i’m sorry for that.. thats the reason I wont tell them.. it’ll kill me 😮
Hi Zoe,
I am brand new to this website. This time of year has always inspired me to reach out and help anybody if I could, but never knew how to, until I stumbled on this website. You see, this time of year is a difficult one for me because it’s valentines season, the last holiday I spent with my mom. She got me a little heart shaped box of reese’s (my favorite candy) and a little note, “to my beautiful daughter, I love you always! Xoxo, mom”. She committed suicide exactly one week later, February 21, 2005. I was fourteen. The funny thing about it is that just months before her death, I was cutting myself daily and finally sought help from my schools guidance counselor who told my parents for me. No matter how embarrassed or ashamed I was in myself, or how disappointed they were, they dropped everything to make sure I was healthy because I was the most important thing to them. I wish I knew that my mother was falling apart on the inside so that I could have helped her while she was helping me. My outlook on life changed the second I found out what she did, and my feelings for her duplicated what she felt for me. Although ashamed of what happened, there is absolutely nothing on the planet that is worse than losing somebody who means everything to you… Please, if you do nothing else on your own to move forward in life, seek help from somebody you can relate to and who will give you the strength to go forward positively. Remember, the people on this website are here for support and guidance and it’s amazing what can change if you work together. Always feel like you can talk to me as well, I would be more than happy to talk. Keep your spirits high, and you chin even higher.
-Manda
dude i know how it feels like… one day i finally told my dad that i cut becas i was really fucking tired i was going to jump off a brigde so my dad and i went to my moms his plan was to go there pick all my stuff and make me leeav from my moms house (she was the one at first always making me feel like shit …) things didnt turn like he wanted … my mom got confused was asking why the fuck i was leaving my dad told her the whole thing and conclusion is that sh called me an attention whore that all i wanted was attention and that evrything was a lie … dont tell them what you feel thy ll just mak things worste …