hi all, just registered here hopeful for some sound advice.
basically my father died when i was 2 and my mother when i was 9. this  has left me with an empty feeling that i cant just seem to fill. i have no sense of belonging in this world, where i come from or why i am the way i am. i know noone else who has been through this and so just feel so alone. ive tried explaing it to my gf but she wont get it, and my friends ultimatley dont care (why should they? its not their problem, they have their own shit im sure) anyone else here in a similar situation, or can just offer some advice on how to cope? its eating me up day in day out and has left me feeling fairly fucked up. i just need to know at least one other person out there in the world understands what im feeling
5 comments
My parents are both long gone with virtually no memory. Who raised you? You must have had some type of parents? Biological is good but its really about who was there
had a foster family, they were close friends with our family. stepmum did an excellent job in terms of caring and providing, but she was a controlling judegmental *****, so most days were spent hiding in my room. stepdad doesnt even deserve a mention, only cared out of obligation and once they divorced i never really heard from him again. never really formed a bond with either, not to sure why any thoughts there?
my dad committed suicide when i was 7, and my mom was never home, so i can sorta relate to ur situation…
i spend alot of time in foster homes and group homes cause my mom hated me and my dad only wanted my sisters,i always felt an emptyness wen i see others have moms or people like moms to them and think i really dont have neither
I can relate..I have had zero family. Only child of bio parents one of whom committed suicide, the other one attempted , but survived and abused me. Indifferent narcissistic stepfather, violently bitter hostile narcissistic ‘mother’ (I was never allowed to call her that as a child).
One caring aunt who died of drug OD.
Then the foster homes. Yeeesh. First juv. hall cause no homes available. FIrst home kept all us kids in the basement, second had staff that locked themselves in their room while the girls went out and prostituded themselves – i narrowly escaped that fate cause I was an outcast sort of (can be a benefit) due to my ethnicity. The last home was better, lots of good intentions at least but staff underpaid and under educated and back then there was even less understanding (can you believe that?).
Back then no internet either.
There is a foster care alumni organization and some other related groups you might find connection with – googleable.
So much mobility and lack of community the last 50 + years….maybe internet and education will/ is helping address that.
I think of not having attachments early on as like having triple fracture (or quadruple amputee) and people with better families only understanding a sprained ankle..they can relate and cant relate, we’re the same but different.
Degrees of injury but so far physical injury gets more acknowledgement and treatment than social/emotional.
Connection and attachment are practiced like anything else – just seems there is ample support and conditions for doing so only and even then not always in childhood.
Im still working at it. It is work. Awkward work.
Just got off the phone with an x bf who has a stellar life: lives in a beautiful city with child and wife, has a career he enjoys, some family crap but manageable and while he will never really feels the dark side I was born into and is in my marrow (don’t think it is in my genes) he is supportive where he can be and enduring my pain and striving for insight gave me the where with all to help him a decade ago in a way he still appreciates and is reciprocating. So attachments get better with practice. Another x bf really doesn’t get it and he has a super stellar life and isn’t at all supportive just an acquaintance not a friend. I see the beautiful children they’ve all had and their friends on facebook and know that I have some other sort of life for sure and just try to accept it and grab good moments where I can.
But being younger if you keep practicing and a sense of humor guesssing you’ll make great strides as you are already more aware and open than I and many of us older folk were decades ago .