No one knows that I feel this way. Â It’s not even consistent. Â Except for being tired almost all day, everyday. Â Random occurrences here and there. Â That’s pretty much it. Â I have no reason to even be thinking like this but I can’t escape the pain I have. Â I have great friends, a loving family, but it doesn’t matter. Â I’m only 16 and the thought of taking my life is getting more and more appealing. Â What am I thinking? Â Is this normal? Â Reading all of these stories makes me feel like an attention seeker for not even having a reason to feel this way, but I’m not. Â I actually like being alone most of the time. Â It just feels great to be able to express what I’m feeling right now. Â Even as I’m writing this my emotions are easing up and I can think more clearly. Â Is this happening to anyone else? Â I’m mostly a really happy person but it’s just these sporadic times when I get so emotional all I think about is killing myself but at the same time in the back of my mind I know it would be the wrong thing to do. Â I’m just afraid that one time that voice in the back of my mind won’t be there any more.
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4 comments
hi connor,your not an attention seeker,it’s okay. everybody feels bad sometimes and just because you might think you don’t have problems as bad as other peoples,that doesn’t mean that your problems don’t hurt or don’t matter. have you thought about talking to anyone about how your feeling? is there anyone you trust who you could talk to? my cousin is bipolar,she had severe moodswings for a long time,and she said most the time they would happen with no clear reason why. would you feel safe talking to someone in your family about it? maybe they would know what to do. you could go to a counselor and be evaluated too.and of course your “normal”. 🙂 most people that i know,even the happiest people,have felt really bad from time to time,esp. if something is difficult in their lives. did anything happen lately that has caused you to be upset?
i’m glad talking here is helping.:) i think it’s really important to not let your feelings build up.
I know what you mean…Pretty dang close.
Make sure to hold onto that voice in the back of your mind that tell’s you it’s the wrong choice. Once it starts quietening it gets worse and harder to pull out of the sporadic moment of depression and suicidal thoughts. You have to really strain to hear it whispering “Don’t do it”.
You get enough sleep? Or just can’t sleep? I know what you mean ’bout being tired everyday, seems even with the right amount of sleep, still tired. It isn’t just sleep, but letting go or pacing yourself on other things that tire you(mental or physical).
g’luck man
Hi Conner,
I felt this way when I was younger…and still feel the way u described from time to time…but one day it occurred to me, if there is one person, just one you care about and would never want to hurt, think about the pain and loss and guilt and anger that you would be leaving that person with if you killed yourself. Read some posts from sisters, mothers, and friends on here who have lost someone to suicide on this forum if you have trouble imagining what it feels like for them. Often one suicide is followed by 2 or more by people who are grieving or self-blaming after the first. This, for me, is the one concrete reason that stays solid through all the self-hate, hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts. It will never ever make your parents or ANYONE’S life better if you commit suicide. And your life won’t be better. It will be over. Look here, u already have 3 random people who care whether you live or die. Just keep going ♥