I don’t know where to begin but I’m looking for help. I have 4 children, 3 that live with me. Today at the store I noticed that my 15 yr old daughter had what looked like scratches down her arm. It isnt just one or two, there had to be at least 50. Two of them were fresh, the rest faded. She never wears short sleeves, I now know why. I asked her about them and she admitted she has been cutting and has been for 3 years. My God, how could I have missed this? We talked for a long time about it. She told me she had been trying to gather the courage to tell me.
She told me that she considered suicide only once. She told me she hates life and I am what is keeping her alive. She told me she does this at night when I am asleep. She wants to see a doctor. I already spoke to 2. I hid all of the sharp things I could find and threw out all of the over the counter meds that we normally take for colds, etc. I have no prescription drugs. I am not going to sleep because I am afraid and want to be there if she needs me.
I am asking for help because I’ve been reading on this site for months due to my own issues which are not important now because I have to help her get through this. Am I missing anything?
Background: I am a single mom. I work a lot. She is an honor student who helps everyone. She is beautiful and smart. I know she sometimes questions her sexuality and we’ve talked about her choice and I assured her I would support her no matter what. Please I am looking for advice and any would be appreciated.
8 comments
you have to get to the bottom of why she wants to commit suicide. what makes her hate life? i think the best way should be take her to a doctor immediately!
perhaps she feels that she doesnt get enough time with u? cuz u said u work a lot?
I think maybe that is it too. She said she started this 3 years ago which is right around when my job became more demanding. I am at a loss. I want to handle this the right way and not alienate her or hurt her more than she is.
You could try and negotiate your pay and hours with your boss? sorry I’ve never had a job, I’m only 16. I think that would help though. Or when you do have time, try to do what you can, like when you make meals, have her help you or when you guys clean the house/home you could play music loud and do it together?
The fortunate thing is that I am the boss so that won’t be a problem. Thank you for talking to me. Your advice is wise. I have an appointment for her Monday to see a dr.
Someone else posted on my story and it shows in my email but not on here. I hope they don’t think I am ignorant for not acknowledging them.
Hm, well, it’s hard to know because none of us on here know her and what she’s feeling exactly, but you know her best. I’d say you have done the best thing possible for her by supporting her and letting her know that you are there for her to talk to without judgement. If you suffer from depression too, it could be something she learned from you or inherited from you. Or it could just be something entirely her own. You said she sometimes questions her sexuality. Maybe she feels confused and out of place at school. Does she have a close friend or two that she confides in? Does she have low self-esteem? You said she’s beautiful and smart, but does she believe that she is? It could be a million things. Try to talk to her as much as you can to find out if something is going on that’s making her hate life so much. But also, try not to bombard her with a lot of questions. Give her a chance to open up to you. The fact that she finally told you she has been cutting and considered suicide is a good thing. It means that she wants to open up to you, she’s just scared. So give her time to tell you what’s on her mind. She will. Just continue to let her know that you will support her no matter what and that nothing she says will make you angry or you won’t think any less of her. Let her know you are there to talk to any time she needs it. If she wants to see a doctor that’s good too. See, she’s reaching out for help. So take a deep breath and try to get some sleep. Because she’ll need you to be rested and on good form. I hope this helps.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you. It helps immensely. I think too that her wearing short sleeves today with fresh cuts was a cry for help that maybe she couldn’t express in words.
I forgot to mention that she has an identical twin. She hasn’t confided in her and they are close as two peas in a pod as are all of us. My girls are my life. She has become distant with her close friends and yes she does suffer from low self esteem. You have given me a lot to work with. Thank you again.
What you said about not being able to express it in words is spot on. Sometimes it’s hard to express what you’re feeling into words. It’s like you can’t find them or they’re not good enough. Maybe for her she’s finding it extra difficult to confide to the people she’s closest to; you, her sister, her friends. Maybe she feels more comfortable talking to a stranger. At least she’ll be talking to someone, though. Do you know if she journals or keeps a diary? If the doc doesn’t tell her to, maybe you could tell her to write her thoughts out. It helps me. Anyway, you’re very welcome. I say all of this as someone that has told her mother that she was feeling suicidal at one point and has had frequent talks with her about it. So I can sorta relate.