I’m normally a very independent person. I don’t need people, they don’t need me, but I NEED YOU NOW. There’s this chance I might have, I don’t even know if I have it yet, but there’s a chance of a chance. I usually don’t like hope; I shut it down, but I started hoping today and I was too far gone by the time I realized it.
So I’m just hoping now. So I figured if I was going to ruin my fragile mental state with hope (you have not seen what hope can do to me; its pretty scary), I might as well try.
So I’ve decided to try. I am pretty sure this is the last thing I’m going to try at in my life. I’m not being melodramatic, I’m pretty sure it’s true. But I figured, if I’m already hoping and I’m already trying, I might as well pull out all the stops, and put everything on the line.
So that’s what I’m doing. I’m doing everything I possibly can to not fail (I can’t even say “succeed”), so that’s where you come in. I know I haven’t been here long. I know you probably don’t know me well (or at all), but I need your help right now. I need you to help me by telling me why I might get this chance or why I might deserve it. You can make up a lie, but I just need to know someone is rooting for me, even if its just a bunch of online aliases; because I have no where else to turn for support. So I’m asking a small favor. Please, even if it’s just a one-word lie, take ten seconds to just give me a boost, just give me a little support. I know how narcissistic this is, but I spend all-day every-day worrying about other people, so I figure this is my indulgence of narcissism for a lifetime. Please, even if you’re thinking “I’m not helping this crazy *****, she’s way too out there”, just give me a little something.
I know nothing in life is free so I will repay you for your support: I will right a truly insightful and meaningful comment on your next post; I will also right you a poem (or song without notes, just lyrics): you can give me a subject/theme/idea for it, you can give me a specific line you want me to work around, a specific meter, specific words, anything – and I will write it for you and either post it here or email it to you (if you give me your email address).
I will keep you all as updated as possible. But I won’t know until tomorrow.
Also, I’m going to need a lot of courage. I’m a really big coward, does anybody have any tips on how to be courageous? (however hokey that sounds)
7 comments
I’m rooting for you. And I know what you mean about hope. It’s hard to believe in it….but no matter how bad things get, it’s all we’ve got sometimes and that little illusion or flicker is what makes us keep fighting. You can’t let it die because maybe it knows something you don’t. Maybe your destiny is still out there. 🙂
Thank you so much.
You will make it. I feel you have a lifetime of happiness ahead of you. Hold your head up high and do what you have to do.
hi, subtle_bloodstains … I’ve been at the same crossroads… and I made it as far as coming ‘thisclose’ to going through with it. Then I paused. That was quite recently. I’m not sure why… but I suppose there is a reason. In my heart, I know that there is always hope. I tell myself that if I’ve survived this long, that I must have done a few things right along the way. I’m glad you’ve paused… and I’m glad you’ve posted. I hope that as time goes on, things grow more and more positive for you… the same hope I have for myself. You deserve good things to happen… Please don’t give up.
Courage is simply the ability to take a step forward – to act … it’s that simple … do 🙂
We’re all behind you with positive energy and thoughts. If you’d elaborate on what it is you’re hoping to act on, perhaps some folks here can offer some additional guidance to actually help you succeed or at least smooth out the path
hiker dawg
Sweetheart, it’s naieve to say this I know, but everything, always turns out all right in the end. (:
You are not a coward.
Just human like the rest of us.
Life is short and difficult so why not indulge yourself in all the fun you can while you exist.
Dedicate every moment you can to your utmost in joy and pleasure.
And that way you will have no regrets.