what to do?

I hate the thought of staying at my mothers house. Physically and mentally draining, no peace, just cold.

I hate the thought of moving out. My brothers there and he needs shielding from her venom. Can’t live alone anymore, lonely thoughts are always creeping.

I hate the thought of others. I don’t play well with others. They make me feel on edge, the physical closeness between myself and other beings sends me into a panic.

I’d like to die, go back to void, but I don’t have access to the self destruct button yet. I can see it under it’s bulletproof glass casing, but I haven’t been crushed under the heel of my own existence enough yet. I still have shreds of hope, leftover biological impulses, like the twitching of a recently deceased corpse. I’m still here, but not really (two steps left)

Working now, my pilot keeps me employed with his masterful maneuvring of my unwilling flesh. Coffee. Where do I go from here? Mothers den is torture, but so is everything else. I’m ordering that fleshlight; promo code ROGAN.