Why Me???? Why am I still Here???

My name is ShiAnne Osborn, I am 17 and currently a senior in highschool. When I was three years old my parents divorced and my dad was rewarded custody of me therefore I never got to see my mom. Even though she was out of my life I was still a normal and Happy little girl. I would spend most of my time at my grandmothers as my dad worked and then go with him places when he got home. I guess you’re wondering why I’m telling you all this cause it sounds like my life was perfect but this is where it begins to change. When I was in the first grade my dad met a woman that would soon become my step mother. She already had a daughter and a son older than me and so when she came into his life; he began to spend all his time with them and leave me on the backburner at my grandmothers. I started getting into trouble everywhere I went just to get his attention but it never worked. All i would get is the sound of a belt going across my bottom. (ouch right) They stayed together and got married when I was in the third grade. When she moved in I thought my life was over. We would always argue and I felt like the outcast of my family and I began to feel depressed. Now many may think that’s really young to be depressed but if that’s not surprising. On September third of my fourth grade year I tried to overdose. They found me in the bathroom of my house and took me to the doctor and they pumped my stomach out, and boy was I mad. They had gotten in the way of me finally being out of this hell hole. Once I got home my dad started paying more attention to me but over the years he had developed a drinking problem and the attention I would get was followed in abuse. All through middle school our family was filled with fights and in sixth grade my step brother and sister moved to savannah and left me there all lone with my dad and my step mom. I was afraid to tell my grandmother what was going on so I just held it in and started cutting on my legs so they wouldnt see. When they moved out I thought it might get better but no. My dad spent all his time drinking in his shop with my step mother and when he’d come inside i would go to my room until he’d yell at me to come in the living room. I loved school and every weekend I would go party and hang out with friends. I started drinking and doing some heavy drugs but it was better than being home. When I’d go home that was when the questionning came and even if i wasnt home id get in trouble for something that went on and most of the time it was me and my dad giving blows outside. After awhile I got tired of the abuse and when I was 16 and the christmas break of my junior jear, I ran away. One of my friends said he’d help me out and so his dad came and got me and let me stay with him about two hours away from where I lived. Once I got out of my dads I felt free. Two weeks went by and no sign of my dad trying to find me. Then a phone call came, it was one of their family members and the said i was wanted and that I had an amber alert out and a runaway charge. After they heard that they took me to the sherrifs office to where I had to turn myself in and my dad and step mom came and got me. When I came back home the abuse got worse and instead of gettin hit once a week almost it was everyday. He also decided that it was a good time to start spending more time with eachother and so he made me do all the work and split wood and work all day once I got off from school and he’d sit there and watch and if i messed up that was a hit or if i wasnt moving fast enough. After about a month I was done it was either get help or try suicide again. I decided I’d talk to my grandmother and get my youth pastor involved. In feburary of 2011 I moved in with my youth pastor and his family. Instantly I changed and I was happy and I thought everything was over. But as always I was wrong. Two weeks before easter they made me come home. I felt like killing myself instantly the first week I was back I had already gotten into my old habits and started smoking and doing drugs again. My dad said he was better but he had gotten worse and he was foolinng everyone but me. Then on easter was the final straw. I had gotten in trouble for opening the easter basket on my bed and not saying thank you right away. He drug me outside and started hitting me I tried yelling at him and saying I was tired f it and I was goiing to call the cops and thats when he told me to get on my knees. Right when he said that the first thing that came to my mind was wow he’s actually going to kill me. But instead he kneed me right in the mouth and I fell back and was curled up holding my jaw that was throbbing with pain. He pressed his foot on my chest and told me to leave and that’s exactly what I did. I went inside and grabbed all my bags that I could find and filled them with clothes and called my mom that I hadnt seen since i was three and her boyfriend came and got me. I was happy that I finally got out of that house and I was also happy that I was going to have my real mom back and my two half brothers. It was great we went somwhere everyday and they were happy thaet I was back and they was very positive. Then something changed one day when I came home from school. I walked in the door and they were snorting pills and once they saw I had seen them they chased after me and made me snort them to. They didnt know that I was already bad on drugs and that made my craving even worse. I lived there the whole summer and lost about sixty lbs. in two months. In september I got ahold of my grandmother and she finally gave me a way out. I began going back to church and went to rehab for my drug addiction and now I am about to graduate and I have a good job and will move in an apartment after graduation. So for all those that think there is no hope dont loose faith because someone out there is willing to help any way they can. I have recently made a facebook page to stop teen suicide and to give teens a way out. if anyone needs help or just wants someone to vent to the email address is teensagainstsuicide2012@gmail and my personal email is banksffachick2012@gmail.com