It seems every idea I come up with as to why I’m depressed seems superficial, like the reason doesn’t add up to what I’m feeling, it isn’t big enough.
My family used to have high expectations of me, until I let them down.
I used to have high expectations of myself too. Then I let myself down.
I can’t forgive my mother for being a drug addict and never there when I needed her as a child, I can’t trust her now, and I’m very apathetic towards her. She isn’t reliable.
I want my dad to come home, he’s the only one who ever understood what this feels like. He’s the only one who ever noticed when something wasn’t quite right with me, and now no one notices. Or no one cares.
All my friends and I do these days is party, we get incredibly drunk then don’t talk to each other until the next party. We’ve been friends since kindergarden and this is the only way we bond now.
My bestfriend is leaving me behind, her life is moving forward, and I’m stuck.
Everyone seems to be moving forward, they’re all leaving me behind, I’ve never felt this lonely. Or hopeless, or like a total failure.
I was never a happy child, and I’m not now, I feel like this is exactly how I was supposed to turn out; as a wreck.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.
2 comments
I’m willing to bet that your ideas as to why you’re depressed add up more than you think. Sometimes the little stuff builds and builds… becoming a huge snowball. One little thing, by itself, might not cause anything. That same little thing, combined with a series of other little things, can start to have a huge impact. I’m sorry about your relationship with your mother… and I wish your dad could be closer.
Are there things you can do to move forward, too? Pursue a degree? Look for a certain type of work? You probably can’t change your situation overnight… but with some effort and determination, you could slowly build a foundation. Please don’t let your past haunt you. I’m sorry your childhood wasn’t happy. That’s not cool. Your future is in your hands. You can be much happier if you invest what’s needed.
Whatever you believe to be true, is true! What if you made a choice to change your beliefs about yourself and your experience. How courageous in the face of how you feel are you willing to be? You can focus on your circumstances and give yourself reason to feel crappy or you can choose to change your focus on being easy or gentle with yourself.
Criticism is a learned behaviour…people judge other people and we think it’s a normal thing to do and we do it with ourselves. If and when you change that one behaviour with yourself…you will begin to love yourself in a very cool way. And you don’t have to do anything, but make a choice to shift your perspective and what you are focusing on.
It took me a good two months, and my life still isn’t stellar but I tell ya, I smile even when I have absolutely no reason to, and there’s this little nest of good feeling that keeps growing. I hope this helps. Take care, you’re so worthy of feeling good.