It seems every idea I come up with as to why I’m depressed seems superficial, like the reason doesn’t add up to what I’m feeling, it isn’t big enough.
My family used to have high expectations of me, until I let them down.
I used to have high expectations of myself too. Then I let myself down.
I can’t forgive my mother for being a drug addict and never there when I needed her as a child, I can’t trust her now, and I’m very apathetic towards her. She isn’t reliable.
I want my dad to come home, he’s the only one who ever understood what this feels like. He’s the only one who ever noticed when something wasn’t quite right with me, and now no one notices. Or no one cares.
All my friends and I do these days is party, we get incredibly drunk then don’t talk to each other until the next party. We’ve been friends since kindergarden and this is the only way we bond now.
My bestfriend is leaving me behind, her life is moving forward, and I’m stuck.
Everyone seems to be moving forward, they’re all leaving me behind, I’ve never felt this lonely. Or hopeless, or like a total failure.
I was never a happy child, and I’m not now, I feel like this is exactly how I was supposed to turn out; as a wreck.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.