i cant get anything right. constantly in trouble. my mom found out i’ve had sex at 16, i send pictures to my boyfriend, i smoke weed. she found this out because my principle went through my school issued ipad and found pictures and conversations about sex on a texting app. i cant go back to school now. i cant let the administrators look at me after this. i cant look at myself hardly. i was put up for expulsion today. and thats not all, Â i just got in trouble for shoplifting. about two weeks ago, fine to pay, PTI, court the whole nine fucking yards. i am so terrible and i dont love the person ive become. i feel like such a god damn fuck up. i just want all of this to end. i dont want to be here. i dont want to grow up. i dont want to suffer these consequences. my life is horrible, my teenage years consist of shit. i have nothing to look forward to in the future except depression and self hatred and i have nothing to admire about the past. the images of me committing suicide so many different ways play out in my head constantly. the only reasons i can imagine living is for my mom, grandma, my bestfriend and my boyfriend. but they’ll grieve and mourn and get over it. and i’ll be happier dead anyway. i’m not posting on here to get help. i just need to tell someone….something this. someone needs to know how fucked up i am, and it cant be anyone i know.
and meanwhile. i’m just sitting here waiting for the sad, pathetic life i’m about to be living. being grounded, legal issues and school issues. no friends to talk to. just these four fucking walls. if i sit here much longer, and have to cry and worry and regret. and most of all watch my own mother cry, watch wtf i’ve done to her and can only imagine what she thinks of me, i will kill myself.
5 comments
You’ve had a rough few weeks. No doubt about it. You’ve made some mistakes… Things happen to all of us and we learn from them. Right now, you’re experiencing consequences of some decisions. You’re not alone. No matter the age, there can be negative results from some decisions. That doesn’t mean that it’s time to give up. It’s a good opportunity to learn what not to do… and use that knowledge to move forward. Once your grounding is over and any academic issues are resolved, you’ll know how to stay out of trouble.
You’re being hard on yourself… and you wrote that you don’t like the person you’ve become. You’re in the driver’s seat when it comes to changing that. If you’re going to make some mis-steps in life, it’s better to do them earlier than later. You can fix things now… and still build a solid foundation for your future. It sounds like you have a lot of regret. Use that regret to make a plan for going forward. Commit to yourself that you can adjust your course for the better. Use this time wisely… There is plenty of time to do things that will make the people around you smile.
everyone makes mistakes but you can always change the person you have become. yes it may be hard, and take some time but it is not impossible. nobody in this world is perfect. over time i really think things will change, and get better.
Hey you said my name,”life is horrible”haha.Can principles even do that?I would’ve token a write up Instead.The walls make people qo crazy,stay stronq.
Adults are funny aren’t they?
They should know by now that 16 year olds think about sex.
Alot!
And they shoplift, smoke weed, and they get into trouble.
Don’t be so hard on yourself!
you’re now starting to think about what kind of better person you would like to be, and that makes you well on your way to being great.
Peace
Yeah, as if any of them didn’t do that stuff when they were your age. Everyone does it. You don’t have anything to be ashamed about at all.