Just need to vent here, because I vowed I’d cut this person out of my life after what happened, so I can’t actually send this to them. Also, I feel like it’d be kinda pointless anyways. Enjoy my hate mail!
*****. ****. WHORE. WHAT THE FUCK? Is this your idea of fun? Getting someone to completely trust you with their darkest secrets and then utterly and completely betray them! You are fucked-up. WHY? I don’t understand. You promised you’d never do this you fucking whore. You are weak and cowardly. You couldn’t even look me in the eye one last time. Am I the only one who gets it? Does everyone else just do it for attention? I don’t want attention and I was doing fine but then you ruined my life and now I have to die like now. I would’ve stayed if you’d just asked me. But you had to go and set all this shit in motion and now I have no choice. I can’t live like this. Why did you have to make everyone hate me? Wasn’t there any other way? I don’t understand. You promised me you would never do this. But now I think I see: I was just a game, a useless manipulation. I started to need you, to get really invested. So when I was at my weakest, you pulled the trigger. The sad part is, I sympathize with you. You are a psychopath and I sympathize with you. You know the ultimate betrayal isn’t even the worst part. The worst part is the lies you told to get there. I will never know what is true again. Thanks for that. I have to wonder if you just saw me and identified me as the weak one, the sickly one, so you decided that I would be fun to take down. I would be fun to torture relentlessly and then finish off by my own hand. I told you you were wonderful. I fucking supported you, through all the fucking thick and the small small amount of thin. I would have done anything before I betrayed your confidences – I thought that was mutual. But I forgot that I am disposable, my fatal flaw I suppose. How ironic- hubris my fatal flaw while I hate myself more than anyone, even you. I knew you played games, but I thought I was exempt for some reason, I didn’t realize I was the biggest game of all. But I do get it on some level – it makes sick sense. Because, when I am gone, you will be more of a martyr than ever before – your favorite role. You will be able to say you tried to save me, when actually, you led my hand to the trigger. Everyone will pity you, you narcissistic *****. You have everything – beauty, brains, money, talent, and some sick social skills, obviously. You have everything, yet you still took everything I had. I guess greed knows no bounds. You will be laughing if you ever read this, because I am even giving you my anger. I always thought if given the choice I would haunt you. Not in a creepy way, more like looking after you, helping you. Now I know that if given the choice I will haunt you. At first, to torture you emotionally in any way possible. But once that gets old (and it will quickly, I am not a vengeful person), I will stick around, just to make sure you never do this to anyone else. And you are right by the way: Jack should keep very very far away from you if he knows what is good for him. But I suspect you simply latched on to him because he is vulnerable, he will be your next victim. If it is in my power, I will not let you destroy him. No one deserves the hell you bring. I always suspected you thought you were cursed, but you should know that you are not cursed, you are the curse. Did Ellie even exist? Or did you just make her up? I’m not sure I know the answer anymore. You pretend as if you are helpless against yourself and I believed that as I thought I at least partially understood what you were experiencing and I thought you understood me. But you CHOOSE to be the monster you are. You CHOOSE to ruin me and my life. You could stop if you wanted to. But you will never stop because being pure evil gives you demented pleasure. And the worst, saddest, most horrible part is: if you came back and begged me and insisted that you had changed and gave me a valid excuse, I’d let you back in in a heartbeat. And you would kill me all over again. I know this, but my decision won’t change. I miss you – even though you were a lie.
8 comments
You are on the verge of defeat, but you’re not there yet.
The greatest weapon to wield in the crusade for revenge is to succeed; transform the anger behind your near-destruction into fuel for a resurrection.
Harness the freedom to progress. If her conceit is static, it’ll fuel a storm of jealousy that will bring down the walls of her ivory tower.
By killing yourself, you are confirming her absolute power over you. By moving on, you diminish her value and shatter the logic behind her pathological complex.
Forget her and find new sources of happiness. The more you forget her, the more she will be reminded of you.
End your life now and your fate as a victim will be sealed; your defeat eternal.
I completely hear what you are saying and I’ve thought about it, but I am not killing myself because of her. I decided to kill myself for reasons completely independent of her. In fact, I’ve been staying for some while simply because she needed me (or I thought she needed me).
Intellectualising the decision does not change the fact that your existence depends on her – you live as long as she needs you and you die when she doesn’t.
Do not grant her that kind of power – or even the perception of power. Live in spite of her and you may eventually find reasons to live without her.
Give it a while (the longer the better). If you fail to find purpose in life during that time, then I’ll yield that suicide is the correct option. At the very least, the chronology of events will have shifted. Your demise will not coincide directly with the end of your relationship with her.
That is true. I will consider it, but she did make my life basically impossible to live now, not because she left but the style of her exit. So if I end up living, she has made it exceeding difficult.
hi s_bs
I believe the only way to get back to her is by taking time to recover (you must feel like you’ll never recover from this atm), slowly pick up life where you left it and NEVER allow her back in your life .. not even for a day
by manipulating your emotions, she managed to create a FALSE reality where you’re nothing without her .. your emotional side wants her so badly because it’s craving to experience the highs again .. your logical side would never let her back in because it’s just a sick, twisted game (even if it looks so real)
it took me 3 years to get over a narcissistic pervert .. just a few months ago, she’d still be invading my thoughts like crazy
when shit gets really bad, try to:
– remember you want her badly but don’t need her .. this false reality she created, where you’re nothing without her, won’t last forever
– look at your situation as the hardest life lesson you’ll ever go through
Thank you, truthbetold. That helps a lot. I probably should have seen what was happening. I am not stupid and looking back it was probably kind of obvious. But I guess I was just choosing to believe the best in her.
lol you’re welcome
the one I had to deal with: she had this strong, nasty, toxic presence .. I chose to overlook my gut feeling, telling myself she was unhappy but not a bad person .. you live you learn
Haha. Yes, i know exactly what you mean. She has to be the center of attention and uses her problems (both real and unreal) to manipulate people’s emotions. I choose to overlook it I guess. It’s nice to know someone else was in the same boat, even though it’s a really bad place to be in.