I’ve posted here before. I was in a bad way five days ago, so bad I was kind of sure it was the end. I started planning my suicide and making arrangements. But I left a post to warn my friends on a website and they brought me back. Not far enough to get suicide off the list, but enough not to go through with it. I called my aunt, she told my grandmother and older brother and my parents. It’s a little awkward with them acting like they are walking on eggshells and that makes me feel bad. I’ve been prescribed Citalopram by my doctor which scares me a bit as I’ve always been afraid of anti-depressants, but it’s worth a shot!
I want to thank you all, many of you have given me hope on some of my darker days. No doubt I will post again and I will be suicidal many times more, but I’m glad I’ve gotten some help. It was nice to hear my parents wouldn’t kick me out even if I fail my university degree and that they love me no matter what.
I thought they didn’t understand, but the truth was they didn’t realise how bad I was. They thought I was mildly depressed and stressed by my course. If there’s one thing I can urge you to do today, is please let your loved ones; family and friends, KNOW. They might not realise and it seems like they don’t care because they don’t get how severe it really is. It’s hard to get help, but trust me, it’s rarely ever the end of the world.
I still want to die, but what do I gain? Nothing. The world sucks ass and in many ways I hate it and society, but they are NOT beating me!